Do you know that "THEY" put fluoride in our toothpaste to keep us stupid?

Go into any large hardware store, Look for RAT POISON, look at ingredients - there is only one ingredient- Sodium Fluoride.

Rats are dumb f**kers because they live in sewers and bathe in our piss, so it must be true.

It's also been known to have a narcotic-like effect on the brain. Millions of people in India and China suffer a crippling bone disease called skeletal fluorosis, caused by high levels of fluoride in their water.

As a result of every mainstream toothpaste containing Fluoride, I have been dragooned into concocting my own dental cream using a medley of household chemicals I found in my neighbours garage.

I cant give away the exact formula as Im looking to patent the idea and launch my own Brand of paste with the working title:

"MANnotRAT"

I have successfully been using MANnotRAT for many weeks now and have the added bonus of being able to peel my wallpaper by breathing on it.

MANnotRAT is not available in the shops, see myspace for details.
 

Can I embed an object? Let's find out... height="350" width="425">..>
 

A new and much scarier conspiracy theory has just come my way....

Apparently, if you buy bread, spread and jam from a shop you can make something that 'they' are calling "Jamsam Witches". It's a new way of contacting the spirit world and can severely affect your chances of happiness, health, good teeth and positive sexual experiences when placed in the hands of an inexperienced user.

The recipe is as follow:

Take two slices of bread, buttering only one side (buttering both sides could mean disaster). Then take a knife (sterilised), and run it firmly across the jam, gathering the 'devil's moisture' as you go. Then run this knife across the buttered side of one slice of bread (both sides is regarded as an insult to Pan). Take the 'unjamsammed' slice of bread and place it on top of the 'jamsammed' piece. Squeeze the two pieces together whilst chanting "Can you get me a plate out please." Place the item on the plate and cut (symbolically) through.

Before eating the Jamsam Witch make the sign of the cross (if you are in Brent Cross, Hunts Cross, or New Cross this isn't applicable).

Then eat. Don't leave any (incl. crusts or 'Lucifers Edges'). Within minutes something very strange will happen.....

Please forward this to at least 10 people within 5 minutes of reading otherwise, at midnight tonight, today will become tomorrow.....

Be careful with basic food sources. Take care people....

 

Conspiracy number 3....

Noel Edmonds was put on this earth to destroy my soul.

Discuss.