I got a new computer! Well... like new... It's an eMac and just got a new motherboard, so it's virtually new.
So today I decide to finally back up everything from my old computer to the new one. I've got the two computers networked together and I'm looking through things and it occurs to me... This is my old life. These folders contain everything I held dear (digitally anyway) up until last year. All the psds (photoshop files), all the 3d programs, all the 3d models, all my custom presets. All my music, movies, screensavers... you know... and a trippy thing happens. I realize I don't want this, I don't want that, this isn't important, who cares about that, and as I do this it dawns on me... I am nothing like I was before. I have barely any interest in any of the very expensive 3d programs I own. They never really made me any money and they sucked so much time away... Do I really want to waste my life spending countless hours tweaking textures and models and fake lighting sets, when nobody really sees it as legitimate art anyway? I backed it all up anyway, but I wonder if I'll keep it all or dump it for hard drive space eventually...
That said... once a designer always a designer, and I'll be working in Photoshop forever. For photo work, t shirt designs, cards, all that good shit. I know a few people who will be happy to know I'll still be doing that stuff.
Thinking about going back to my roots and working with paints again. I know... it's been like fifteen years since I've picked up a paint brush, other than to paint a house or fence... I did a mural on my daughter's wall earlier in the year and it made me want to start doing it again. I wonder why it's been so long? I guess I got so caught up in the digital world I just stopped drawing and painting one day...
Still dizzy and nauseated all the time, but it's funny the shit you get used to. It's having less and less impact on my mood these days. I may feel like crap but it's not gonna stop me from having fun if I can, you know? As a result, I'm a bit easier to get along with. It's amazing how bad those first three years were... Now I know what to expect and deal with it... So life goes on at the Akins household. Decidedly happier...
What now? I'm not making any money, my doctor says I'm completely disabled... No money and a lot of free time isn't a good thing. Not for me... I need something I can do on a totally irregular schedule and make decent money at it. God knows I'll never get SSI from the Gov., so I have do something to help pay the bills... Question is, what? What does that leave me? If you have ideas, let me know... I've been wracking my brain on that one for months now.
Well... that's it for now.