i had a really vivid dream last night about a friend of mine who unfortunately passed away years ago.  it was strange. he never had an easy way with things. his parents never treated him right...he had really awkward glasses that magnified his eyes real big, and he had chipped messed up teeth. he was adopted, and his adopted sister however, got everything a girl could dream of. he was a good friend tho. we used to play AD&D for hours and climb trees and hang out in his woods. we did chinese fire drills off his cement wall by his driveway. he and my brother are the reason i draw still. they're also the reason i got my black belt in tai kwon do all those years ago.  i just did what they did. i mostly just followed my brother, but i think mark influenced a lot of what he did as well. i had a weird dream he was actually alive and doin amazingly well. it's sad tho, cuz it could be true. he just happened to get into the wrong kind of things too early in life.

it's weird tho, how much you can miss someone all of the sudden. i actually think about him more than you might assume, but still, it's been awhile since i really paid him much thought. the last time i saw him, if i remember correctly and besides seeing him at his funeral, was at a party in highschool. i hadn't seen him in prolly about 8 months to a year, and he showed up as i was leaving. he had a bottle of whiskey or the like in his hand and he gave me the biggest hug. even tho i was i guess, 4 or 5 years his younger, he gave me a HUGE hug and i could tell he was honestly happy to see me.  i really remember that cuz it seemed sad to me. things always seem to go well for me. not that i don't try, but i feel blessed most of the time. he didn't seem blessed at all and had only a handful of people who really cared about him. and we were too young to realize it or do anything about it.

the dream made me really sad tho. it's really amazing the impact he had on my life in tiny, but innumerable ways. like i said, 99.9% of my life i attribute to my totally amazing brother. but i can't ignore the influence mark had on myself and him. my tendencies, hobbies and likes reflect heavily on my brother and in turn, mark as well. even tho i don't think about him all the time, i miss him and i know others that do as well.

here's to you mark, ol' buddy. we miss ya and hope you're doin better these days. i wish i coulda helped ya out.