Obesity has been at the center of my life for as long as I can remember. It has been the part of me that I was most ashamed of, the part of me that I have had to make excuses for, the part of me that has held me back.

I remember growing up fat. I don't remember actually becoming fat, I just recall being that way. I think it would be enough to say that fat kids don't have it easy on the playground and we will leave it at that. My experiences as a fat kid have shaped my outlook on life and although I would not want to re-live those painful memories, would not trade them in. My life is a fat kid forged the steel that is now my foundation.

I have lost 500 or so pounds in my life; 80 or so between junior and senior high school, 120 between undergraduate and graduate school, 100 just around the time I started my own physical therapy office.

After a lifetime of losing and gaining weight, I was facing 36 years old and I was sick . . . real sick. I was sick of living a life on the couch. I was sick of living a life as a spectator and, honestly, even that was too tough for me and as a result, I often spent much of my family time asleep. I was exhausted all the time. I frequently avoided all physical activity - even playing with my kids. You can't get much sicker than that. I remember my doctor asking if obesity ran in my family I paused for a minute and I said: "Doc, nobody runs in my family." Yes, I was killing my kids to.

My body ached, my joints hurt and I was the constant victim of gastrointestinal irregularity. (Sorry, but it had to be said) I had no idea what I weighed, but I knew I was big. I had a ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />56 inch waist - well 58 inch waist really and I probably was that the little tight in those. I exceeded the weight limit of my doctor's scale,  so at my yearly visits we just guessed. I think if you look my medical chart from year to year it simply said: "Fat and getting fatter." When finally, on a bet,  I stepped onto 2 scales. I said I was over 400 pounds and I won the bet. There is no greater disappointment than standing on a scale (or two), seeing that it reads 410 pounds and realizing that you are the only one on the scale. When you find out you're alone, you're really alone . . . and sick. Did I mention sick? My blood tests showed diabetes & high cholesterol. My blood pressure was high, my heart rate showed that even at rest my cardiac muscle was pulling in double shifts. My exhaustion was disabling, I had sleep apnea and I just hurt everywhere. At 410 pounds I had a BMI of over 55. I was officially classified as "super obese." I wonder what kind of superhero I would've made. I was certainly no hero to myself and I was no hero to my family.

I decided to make a change. In a moment of absolute epiphany I decided (again) it was time to lose weight (again). My initial plan was to stop drinking soda and start taking the stairs at work. It turned out to be a good plan. I lost 50 pounds. I don't remember how long it took me to lose, but I do remember gaining about 40 back. It occurred to me that I was an expert at losing weight and an expert at gaining it too. From my perspective, what I really needed was a weight maintenance tool. The missing piece to my long term problem, was maintenance. As I would come to relate it; I was fighting a dragon with nothing but a banana and I needed a broadsword. 

I had a sit down with my doctor, (I think he was still chuckling over my answer to his question about obesity running in my family). We discussed all the medical treatment options available and we discussed my weight loss history. He suggested laparoscopic gastric banding surgery. I did a little research, and I thought it was the best option for me. I knew going in that the success of the surgery was going to be based on my mindset and the amount of work I was willing to put into it.  After setting my sights on surgery, I went right to work; I began to lose weight immediately. I lost 50 pounds before surgery and in February of 2003 I underwent the Lap-Band procedure. In the year that followed, my commitment to the rules of the surgery and a strict exercise program lead me to a total weight loss of 200 pounds.

At my one year surgical anniversary (almost exactly), I went to work with a little back pain. Within 12 hours I was on a gurney in the emergency room looking at the ceiling tiles and a 104 fever. I had a white count of 41,000. In doctor terms that means pretty frickin' sick. You're white count is like the headcount at an infection kegger. At 41,000, my body was going to have one hell of a hangover. In fact a white count of 41,000 is considered critical. It turns out, I had developed peritonitis. This nasty streptococcus infection and wrapped itself around my insides and was bringing me down. By all accounts, I was dying.

The infection baffled my surgeon who felt his only option was to open me up and take a look around. While he was in there he decided that, although the band did not appear to be the problem, he would take it out anyway to avoid future complications.

I awoke in the recovery room with a wound from my chest all the way down to my . . . . well all the way down. It was my wife's job to tell me that the Lap-Band was removed. I guess they figured I wouldn't kill her. In effect, my weight loss surgery was completely reversed. Research shows that people who have their lap band removed are almost guaranteed to gain back all of their weight.

Imagine - your greatest, most insurmountable problem, under control on Thursday and by Friday morning gone. It was as if the broadsword that I was given to fight my dragon was taken away only to be  replaced with a stuffed bunny rabbit. As you might imagine a stuffed bunny rabbit is pretty damned useless when you're fighting a dragon.

As I lay in the ICU (with the tubes going in and out and in and out and in and out. . . I'm sure you've seen it in movies) the nutritionist came by.  Which was good because I wanted to talk, I was scared, real scared. I never looked at the surgery as a weight loss tool; I saw it as a weight maintenance tool. I looked at it as a life-saving procedure. Can you imagine if you had heart surgery and somebody told you they reversed it. You would shit! I had questions, lots of questions. I needed her to give me a plan, a direction. She looked at me and said; "What are you worried about, you already lost the weight. You will be fine." Well, that didn't help.

I thought for sure my only option was to have the surgery replaced. As I would come to learn that just wasn't going to happen.

Weight loss surgery is a funky topic in this country. On the one hand many people look at obesity as a disease of will power and weakness for which surgery is "giving up." On the other hand the surgery is being sold as a weight loss panacea to people who just aren't ready. For me, it's saved my life - and now was gone. SHIT!

I don't regret having had the surgery because it did help to save my life. In the hands of the right person, the sound of a Stradivarius is the most beautiful thing you could ever hear; in my hands however, it would be a lethal weapon. The life-saving power of bariatric surgery is no different. In the right hands. . . or I should say for the right person, who is ready, willing and able; it could create a miracle. I often become almost apologetic when I tell the story of how I lost the bulk of my weight through surgery. Funny, I don't recall my father ever sounding apologetic or "defeated" when he discussed his life saving heart by-pass surgery. I don't ever remember anyone saying: "Well he tried everything and then finally broke down and had to have heart surgery."

After going through all the usual stages of loss, (anger was my favorite) I realized that the loss of the surgery could be a gift. When I realized that the surgery was not coming back, I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and dedicated my professional life to the study and treatment of obesity. I sought training as a Wellness Coach to help me understand how to help people achieve better lifestyles, I became a voracious reader of nutritional literature and through my profession, have benefited from much continuing education and symposia on the topic. I live the life I preach. I kayak every day. I have the best exercise room on the planet. While people are at the health club watching CNN, I am watching ducks graze off the water past a perfect sunrise. I keep an eye on what I eat and watch out for when my train derails, I maintain a plan to get it back on the track. With my new life I enjoy everything more. Losing weight and becoming fit has allowed me to begin Mountain biking, rock climbing & kayaking in addition to just being more of a participant in the every day. My children have become more fit by extension. They understand what it means to take care of themselves. My weight loss began as a gift to myself and has extended to be a gift to my family as well. Since the reversal of my surgery 3 1/2 years ago, I have actually lost more weight and now consider myself healthy and of a healthy size. Oh, and did I mention – happy too.