FAQs for Families & Friends of
Gay/Lesbian Individuals :
1) Did I cause my child to be gay or lesbian?
Answer: No absolutely not....There is research done showing a genetic basis for homosexual children and it is important that parents do not over assume so much responsbility for something they did NOT CREATE or CAUSE.
2) Is this a phase?
Answer: Some people do experiment in having intimate relationships with both sexes before they identify with being either heterosexual or homosexual. If your relativeis saying, he or she believes they are gay or lesbian, it is more helpful to try to discuss with them their thoughts and feelings and your thoughts and feelings.Hoping this is a temporay "phase" is an understandable reaction to something you don't comprehend.However, merely hoping it is temporary does not contribute to healthy discussion which is more important to the relationship.
3)I think my relative is bisexual how would I know?
Answer: You would not definitively know. Again, the most therapeutic way of approaching these topics is to initiate a NON JUDGEMENTAL and NON ATTACKING discussion to explore what your relative thinks, feels, has experienced...It's not up to you to decide if he or she is bisexual.
4) Did my relative make a choice?
Answer: No being homosexual is not a conscious, thoughtful choice..It is a process that eventually solidifies within a person's perception of whom
he or she believes themselves to be.
5)My child was molested. Is that why he or she is gay?
Answer: For SOME indivudals who have been molested, they may gravitate towards persons of the same sex out of a sense of safety and security. However, if they have initimate relationships with same sex partners, they must eventually decide if they are chosing the same sex for safety or because this is who they are. Some individuals experiment with same sex partners, and then eventually choose opposite sex partners. Again, to have some sort of discussion as opposed to debate or TRIAL, is ultimately better in building understanding between you and them.
6) I'm scared that I might have gotten HIV infection or a sexualy transmitted disease. Could this happen?
Answer: YES it could happen..the best thing for you to do is get tested by your gynecologist or primary care doctor.
7) My husband and I have close friends of many years. How do we tell them?
Answer: Just be honest including if it is a tremendous difficulty for you to talk with them.. They will appreciate your honesty more than your fear of being judged by them. If you get a very critical reaction from a close friend, try to put into words what you are feeling and wait to see thier response.
A TRUE FRIEND WILL STAND BY YOU NO MATTER WHAT!
8) How can I deal with the fact my spouse cheated on me with someone of the same sex?
Answer: First of all, acknowledging the intensity of shock, betrayal, and
humiliation is important because you are not expected to simply "handle this." Then, we would suggest you find a competent psychotherapist who is knowlegeable in treating this particular type of situation. We would strongly recommend the SHIFT multifamily group therapy as a way of coping.