Okay. So to me, this is probably the most retarded blog I could ever write. Well not the most retarded. But I feel kind of, odd? For writing it? I don't know. But anyways. The point of this really is so explain why im edge. Because there are people who really don't understand. They don't get it. Not that im edge but I guess the type of person that makes me. So here, let me explain how I work and maybe it will allow some of you guys to chill out a little and stop thinking im so coo coo bananas. But before we start. Take a look at my best friends .. meet san and beth. Two very NOT edge girls. They have been my best friends since I was 12 years old. Neither of them have changed, except for the fact that we've gotten older. That's all. They are still the amazing people that I was friends with back in the seventh grade. San? Well, san was a coke head for the first couple of years that I knew her. Beth? Beth used to be a little raver girl and was all about droppin a little E and enjoying whatever it is that E does for you. Do either of them still do it? No. Did I stop being their friend when they were doing it? No. Are they edge? Far from it. They both love to drink and sometimes san smokes her pot for a giggle. Am I still their friend? Of course. For some reason people seem to think that if youre edge you cant have friends who arent. Or that you look down on people who arent edge. I've never looked down on someone who drank. Hell I'll give a bum money knowing damn well he is going to go and buy booze with it. Your choices are just that. YOUR choices. I have my reasons for being edge. Drinking doesnt work for me. I used to drink when I was younger. Im not a good person when I drink. I don't like that when I drink I tend to surrender my self control. I like to be in control of myself. I know how to let loose and have fun but I don't need booze to help me do it. I believe in the whole don't knock it before you try it thing to an extent. And its not like im proud of the fact that I was a thirteen year old, fourteen year old girl getting smashed but at least I can say I KNOW what im saying no to. I come from a highly addictive family. We find something we like and we overindulge ourselves. It's a sad truth that im gonna end up passing down to my kids. A vicious circle if you will. So its better for me to say away from all that stuff. Bad stuff that's going to hurt me. So when I was 16 I claimed edge and I've been this way ever since. I don't even WANT to drink or smoke and I sure as hell don't want to do drugs. But im not a "crazy edge kid". Im not one of "those" kinds of edge kids. I'm me. Same old johnni that I've always been. Want to go to a party and get smashed? Lets go, give me your keys, get drunk and lets have a good time. You can throw back some drinks while I throw back some pop. Its not a big deal to me. I wont stop talking to you if you have a beer in your hand. I don't care. The choices you make are the choices you make. They arent going to hurt my feelings. I'll be the same way I am with you as I would be with anyone else. The only thing I hate is when someone is OBVIOUSLY drunk and then decides that they are going to drive. That's something I cant stand. But im pretty sure that even if I did drink and smoke or whatever Id still think the same way. People seem to think that because I claim edge im super strict about the sex thing or that because im edge is the reason I've never been kissed. Nope. Wanna know why I've never been kissed? Well, I couldnt tell you. I was a little chubby when I was younger and my best friends were better looking. Im working on them not being THAT much better looking that me lol. And im a virgin because to me that's something important. I've held onto it this long, I want to make sure it goes to someone special. I mean, im gonna be remembering that boy for the rest of my life as the guy who I gave myself to. That's a big deal to me. But it has nothing to do with me being straight edge. I wish people would understand that my choices are MY choices. I don't believe in pushing my choices on someone else. If they ask me about edge and what its all about that kinda stuff. Yeah for sure im gonna tell them. But im not going to say something like 'oh man and you HAVE to be edge or youre a bad person.' im not like that. In any way shape or form. I hope im a much better person than to be so judging when I am the last person who should judge anyone. I want people to get to know me and see that im not like that. That if you want to drink in front of me go for it. If you wanna smoke in front of me ... eh I have asthma soooooo that kinda sucks for me but whatever lol do it anyways. I don't think id really be down for sitting next to you while you shoot up or something but yanno, im pretty sure a lot of people feel that way. Im conscious of the choices I've made for myself, and im good with myself. So why would I want to push it on other people. The only reason people want others to be just like them is so that they feel like the belong and arent alone. I know im not alone. I have drunk phone calls from san telling me she loves me and im her best friend to prove it. I guess the point of this is please don't judge me. Don't let the title or whatever of "straight edge" turn you off to me. Because im not a sixteen year old girl, drawing bid X's on my hands and telling people who want to let go and have a beer with dinner or a car bomb at a party that they are horrible people. Im the girl who will sit there and drink her own beverage and not give a second thought to what youre drinking. I promise. Like I said, the only time I care is when I can tell youre drunk and you wanna drive. When I can tell youre high and you wanna drive. Don't do it. Its stupid. You wanna smoke your pot? Smoke your pot and order a pizza. Don't go driving come on. If you wanna drink, let me tag along so I can drive you home at the end of the night and you wont hurt yourself or anyone else. That's it, that's all. Im not a nazi edge girl. Im just a girl who made a personal choice and is keeping it personal. Make sense? Does that clear things up for a couple of people? I hope so. Because I know some of you had the wrong idea and I know even more of you consider writing me off because you think I am a crazy edge kid. Get to know me, youd be surprised.