I have now moved back to Massachusetts and am living at home again after having my California adventure.  It turns out that waste vegetable oil will probably always be a pain in the ass for anyone who attempts to gather it, despite my most valiant efforts to clean up the industry - and despite McDonald's and Volkswagen commercials alluding to my goals without, alas, sponsoring me. 

If I am at all crazy, it's only in thinking that the back of the house of any restaurant in America would be willing to filter and sell wvo.  I suppose free fuel with a little bit of work filtering it yourself is the way the industry shall remain.  I realize now that I would rather make music than spend my time contracting with restaurants across the country anyway.  Alas, I have New Dreams.

As an additional slap in my impossibly misperceptive face; for all the 'love' LA showed me; it turns out that the girl I thought I loved has no interest in me - despite what I thought were hints dropped on her space.  What could I have expected?  In a way, I feel snubbed by LA . . . but I must admit, I didn't want to play the game, so I did the snubbing as well. 

So here I am back home, 2 and a half years older and deeper in debt; still not naturally a joiner, and still sitting on music that I'd like to express to the world.  In a way, I wish I could rewind to when I was 19 and focus solely on my music, get signed, and be fading into the background by now.  But instead, I am only at the beginning of my career and learning that the substance of the craft does not necessarily sell.  I mean; I gotta vibe with my people!!  In light of this, I am now open to working with music industry folks . . . as I was unwilling (rather; unable due to preoccupation with wvo) to do before.

I didn't think it would be hard at all to run two websites as a corporation; and I had the expectation that someone out there would support me for vegetable oil.  Instead, I got an email back in February from the users at 'monkey.org' saying that most of them hate me, and I had to take a leave of absence from Whole Foods to work at the EPA; listening to hip hop from truly successful artists (God, why can't I be one?) whilst falling into debt for my dream.  The reality is I'll probably never be a millionaire, and for all the sordid songs expressing exactly how I felt, I'll probably never see her again. 

And after all this - my mental breakdown in March of '99 and my overly exuberant effort at trying to prove myself since - I am nothing more than a victim of my own interpretations of images.  Mania, to me, is reading into things and making things up - which, unfortunately, I have done much too much of lately.  So here I am back home again; humbled, haggard, bordering on humiliated - but mostly just tired.

So goodbye grandiose thinking; goodbye LA living; hello to a future that I haven't planned out yet.  I really don't know what's in store . . . I know I still have to express myself; but to whom? And how many really care?  Hey you - did you read this?  Tell me what you think!!