...but from time to time, I can be kind of a douche. When I realize what an ass I've been, I feel about thiiiiis big:

Case in point:

I've worked with the public my entire adult life. Currently, I'm a produce clerk for a national chain of supermarkets. At its most glamorous, it's a paycheck. (Ingredients for life, indeed).
Customer service is HUGE part of my job. So, each day, I go to work and put on my game-face. I stow any personal snarkiness at the door, smile my most wholesome smile, and dole out the sincerest of pleasantries for nine hours per day. Yeah, I'm a people-person. (Wuh? Yeah, well, you guys only see me when I'm off the clock). 

There's a young man who shops my store on a regular basis. Snap judgement: pasty white guy with dreds, granny-glasses, sort of a cross between John Lennon and the bass player from Betty... only slightly emaciated. Guy buys a lotta tofu, what can I say?

I've greeted this man with a dazzling smile and a "hi, how's it goin'?" twice a week for a little over two years now. And in turn, my retail charm has been met with a semi-nod as acknowledgement. That's right, not a single word.
No, really, until a couple of days ago, I'd never heard him speak. I thought he might be deaf... but then he started coming in with his girlfriend and I'd see them kind of murmuring back and forth to eachother.

So, in my head, I'd formed the opinion that he is just an asshole. ("Well excuuuuuse me Mr-too-cool-to-speak-to-a-lowly-grocery-store-clerk! Yanno what? You've got bad hair! I hope you go bald!") Yeah, the voices in my head are really mature.

Anywhoooo... this week SnobbyTofuMan (it's my pet-name for him) comes thru my department, alone.
He's buying flowers and organic veggies (the voices in my head roll their eyes... "freakin' hippy!")
Clutching a pair of organic potatoes, a lost look on his face, he bypasses three other clerks and walks up to me. ("oh suuuuure, now that you need help you wanna talk to me? well GAME ON motherf**ker!")
**retail-smile**  "hey, what's up?"
He speaks.

And as he's speaking, I'm shrinking down into my shoes... melting away into nothingness. And the voices in my head that were so ready to talk shit? As I am trying my best not to begin weeping, they are silent.
This man, whom I don't know at all, is a stutterer. He has a pronounced stammer when he speaks. One of several speech impediments I struggled with as a child. I remember the teasing and the years of speech therapy like it was just yesterday.

So, it turns out TofuMan isn't really an asshole... *I* am.

So, let's review, shall we?

Prayers, please.