My good friend Jeremy came to see The Ape-Shits play a gig at Emo's a few months back. After the show, where the crowd "lovingly" pelted us with garbage, spat on, and cursed us, he commented "You guys sure do attract a lot of scum bags!" I looked around and we do bring 'em out of the woodwork! Then I looked at myself, Dean, Cody, and Patrick. Birds of a feather, I suppose!
We bring the worst out of people…and each other! We love to bitch and talk shit about each other. I can only imagine what they say behind my back because I've heard what they say to my face. I've been assaulted by each of these fuckers, most recently by Dean who nearly took my head off with an armchair he threw at me while I sat drinking beer in our motel room after a disastrous Houston gig. We all had a good laugh at the hole he put in the wall but that could have been my head! We have all quit the band at least once, myself twice. I love to throw tantrums and I suspect that is half the fun for the others, too. But I always come back. Maybe I enjoy the abuse! Or maybe we are divas! You can call me Mariah.
We recorded "La Pollution Culturelle" every weekend of July 2007 from midnight to 6AM in our practice space at East Central Storage because that was the only time the punishingly loud heavy metal band next door didn't practice. Dean had the thankless job of manning the controls. We were holed up in a sweltering bunker without any air conditioning and severely sleep deprived. It's how I imagined Hogan's Heroes would have recorded an album if they had a band.
Here's a note to would be audio engineers and producers, get rid of the nice couches, televisions, magazines, and other distractions. It's a fucking studio not an opium den! Your studio should be the last place anyone would want to hang out in. Uncomfortable studios always bring out the best performances in bands. The punishing heat and general miserable atmosphere of room 14 brought out a surprising efficiency as we laid down the basic tracks in two takes or less in one night. That is professionalism! Ha!
Laying down vocal tracks are always fun and this session was no exception! The beer did flow and we were zonked out of our brains! Patrick was bored and decided to make things interesting by hurling beer bottles at our heads while we sang. Listen closely because you can hear breaking glass courtesty of Patrick throughout the record. Dean got the worst of it as blood dripped from a nasty gash on his arm while he crooned "Dirty Hand Stomp".
The backing vocals were a total fiasco! With the heavy lifting out of the way, Cody, Dean & I got particularly pissed before recording our backing vocals. A bored Patrick decided to tag our space with "911 is a Joke", "Off the Pigs", and other slogans. Consequently, drunk & inhaling spray paint fumes, the first aborted backing vocal session was nothing but us doing bird noises and other animal calls…way out of time! Hilarious! But our adoring public expects a certain level of professionalism from The Ape-Shits and we aim to please! The next weekend we redid everything and that is what your ears hear on that slab of wax on your turntable.
Dean handled all the guitar leads. He is the best guitar soloist in the city of Austin so why should I even bother? I'm done with guitar leads! He can play the guitar just like ringing a bell as Chuck Berry would say! He nailed everything in one take. While playing them behind his head!
Our rat meal record cover was influenced by the great John Waters' film "Desperate Living". The photo was taken in the dining room of my east Austin home located behind the infamous Reagan High, the Carpetbagger Compound. Andrea Beadles arranged the table while Doug Couhenhour led the photo session. Manikin's Alfie and I put our massive brains together to conceptualize the record cover design. It has come to my attention that we are holding butter knives to cut into the rat. That is because I cook rat all tender like. E-mail me for the recipe! The Ape-Shits are a band with a lot of class. It may be low, but we have a lot of class none the less and I think this record cover proves that you can polish a turd! Ha!
"La Pollution Culturelle" is a dark, fucked up, ugly record. Lyrically, it's an excorcise of bad relationships, alcohol abuse, misanthropy, and a dim view of the world. What would my shrink say?!? Both Dean & I nearly had nervous breakdowns over this thing. I know a lot of people never though this record would ever see the light of day. But here it is! We've gone through World War III together and we survived! I love these fuckers! I mean it, man! This record is one for the scum bags! It is now your cross to bear! Enjoy!
All you need is love,
Shawn Carpetbagger
February 2008
I Come Alive - A re-write of a song called "I'll Wrap Your Head Around It" that has been kicking around since the days of The Mood-Killers. The whole culture of death is played out! This world is about beating you down and wishing your were dead! How about living! I also give a shout out to my favorite…onion pizza!
Kill You, Kill Me - Cody wanted to write a song called "Murder / Suicide" and it mutated into this monster which is one of Cody's finer moments in my opinion. We wanted to have the sound of broken glass on this number so I put on a German World War II helmet, held the microphone up to my head, and Patrick bashed a Lone Star bottle over my head!
Lazy 3 Feet - AKA "Promises". Another one about fucked up relationships. Dean gets brutally honest! We've recorded this one several times and this is the definitive version! Great Dean & Cody trade-off vocals!
Such a Pity - I had the title "Such a Pity about The Ape-Shits" and wrote the song around that. "Shit City, that's where I'm living / Up a piss river, I am swimming!" It's one of my favorite lines I have ever written because I have been a citizen of Shit City several times in my life. It's not a pleasant town to live in.
Mistake - Cody wrote this song on the spot and we recorded it! "I'm a walking abortion / A little body, squirming around!" That is total genius in my book! The mic broke halfway into the song, hence the change in vocals. Who gives a fuck. It's an ugly song , played by ugly people for ugly listeners!
(I See) White People - We played a gig in the Great White North, Dallas with The Deadites and I said "I see white people" as a goof . I think I got that line from the Wayans Brothers of all people!?! Dean latched onto that phrase and came to practice totally drunk one night and had this great rap based around that line. He also had three other great lines for other songs. I agreed I'd remember "White People" and he would remember the rest. Of course, he forgot everything and three other Ape-Shits hits were lost to the dustbin of history. I hammered out some chords and wrote the verses. It's a goof on commuter white suburbanites and their bizarre love / hate relationship with the city of Austin. It's "Guilty of Being White" meets white guilt. Not surprisingly, the only people squeamish about the song are white liberal types. "Should you be singing that?" they ask me. Here are the lyrics…
They've got blonde hair
They've got blue eyes
They watch re-runs of Friends
And drive north on 35
My mom is white
My dad is too
When you look in the mirror
You see one staring back at you
I see white people
White people
They've got blonde hair
They've got blue eyes
They watch re-runs of Friends
And live west of 35
My mom is white
My dad is too
What would you do if you were me?
When you realize your one too
I Want No One - The best song on the album. Cody looks back on his life and here is the result. When he wants to be, Cody is one of the best songwriters around. It's got sex, it's got darkness! Patrick primes his spray paint! A great tune!
Couch Surfing - I hope you enjoy this one because this is the first and last time this number was ever played right! You will never hear it live! Ha! "Couch Surfing" asks the musical question "What if Gary Glitter was born in Louisiana in 1976 and was in a dirty, blues punk band from Austin, Texas?" Dean daydreams about lounging around on his couch. This song is hilarious because Dean never rests! He is a human tornado who will sleep when he is dead!
Everything You Do - We needed a sex song and this is it! "She wants to talk / I'm trying to last, yeah!" It's about the female mystique and girls driving you mad! Sex is fun, silly, and ridiculous! It's everything you do! It's all because of you! Oi vey!
Paradise City - This one has been kicking around since the ill-fated Mood Killers and pre-dates your pal, Shawn Carpetbagger. My understanding is that it's a goof on the mythology built around Guns n' Roses, Nikki Sixx haircuts, and the rest of the bullshit fake Hollywood rock bands that misguided people reminisce about. Seriously, do people actually think that Motley Crue or Guns n' Roses were good bands??? For real?!? Paradise City don't exist!
Dirty Hand Stomp - This is the most legit working class punk tune happening on Red River. I challenge any poseur street punk skinhead band playing down the street to match this one! The best song Dean Beadles has ever written! Patrick showered of with glass on this one! Those are real glasses being shattered against the walls…and our skulls! Beer did flow, blood did spill! You've got to live the life you sing about…and we do! We are the most honest band to ever live!