Not to find ones way in a city may well be uninteresting...But to lose oneself in a city- as one loses oneself in a forest-that calls for quite a different schooling.
-Walter Benjamin

So I started reading this book today called the Field Guide to Getting Lost and so far Im really starting to like it. And for the first time Im realizing its okay to be lost.

After reading the first chapter I started reflecting on what I had just read so here goes. Its a little long, but I wanted to share.

Im lost! Lost in Milwaukee, and life. But Im starting to realize its not such a bad thing being lost. After all its not like I cant find my bed at the end of the day, or find food. Its not at all like starving to death lost in the woods. In fact Im surviving rather well. What exactly does it mean to be lost? Benjamin Walters postulates that lost is a state of mind, a conscious choice. Did I know I would be lost when three years ago I moved 900 miles away from home? I sort of think so. I think somewhere in the spongy tissues of my brain I knew I needed to go some place new. Maybe it was intuition, or a thought a few steps ahead of its thinker. I dont really feel like Ive been looking for anything. I mean sure we are all trying to find our niche in the world but its not anything marked with an X on a treasure map. Yes I have looked for love, searched out places to live, found friends. But Im still just as lost as before. Looking never has proven to be that reliable. It's like when you miss place your keys, you often find them once youve accepted their absence, and suddenly youre doing something else and they fall into eyesight. Losing has such a negative connotation, the mere thought of losing something/someone creates an emotional image in my head. But I have to say I sort of realize that there is a difference in losing than in being lost. Lost is one of those scary four letter words, Im reminded coincidently of some other scary words of the four-letter variety. But as I think about it and break it down it doesnt overwhelm me as much. I cant help but think of popular TV show called Lost. Fortunately for me I havent yet been sucked into yet another TV drama, but I do know the general plot of the show. Its merely about survival, sticking together, making peace with your environment, and finding whats out there. I find myself fumbling with this more optimistic out look of losing oneself. On one hand I think how great it would be to have a script for your life, a screenplay if you will. Then all you have to do is act it out. You could read ahead, allowing yourself to ease your troubles or at least prepare yourself for the outcome. But then thats sort of like being a puppet. A second voice in my head speaks up Thats boring! it shouts. Knowing what lies ahead in the future would be like playing a game of Monopoly all the way to the end when all along you knew who would win. What a waste a time, and we all know how long of a game Monopoly is. Would you agree to play clue with your ten-year-old sister if she knew it was Mrs. Scarlet in the billiard room with the revolver before you even opened the box? I just think there is something more incredible in the mystery, and the discovery. I dont want to live like a game of Life spinning the wheel and having everything decided by a stack of situation cards. It has to be more than that otherwise I cant say it would be worth it. If everything turned out so simply the end wouldnt be very far away, in reality it is so much further than we think.


Thats my rambling at least for now. Its a bit much to think about but the only way I could get myself to hear what I was thinking was to write it.