Balls. Never did get that. Balls are...

Yeah, well, nevermind. Spider here again. S'posed to be doin' ink now, but the two flakes of snow that are fallin' outside made my client call it off. Didn't want to drive in from the 'burbs and, "get stuck." Like that'd happen. I can't stand wussy chicks. And so many of them want my business lately.

Man, that's the one thing I can't stand bout this job -- the popularity of tats right now. I mean, yeah, I should be pissin' myself over the amount of work I'm gettin', but along with it come the hundred requests a week for fairies, butterflies and hearts. Too many chicks come in, see me, and think there's a ride they'd like to take, maybe stick it to the old man for a while with the crusty punk dude. They giggle and flirt and insist I put their fairy, butterfly or heart as close to their ass crack as possible. They stick out their ass, toss their hair and think I'm gonna pop wood. Makes me drag the needle a little more than I should, ya know?

This place I'm working, it's good and all. Good pay, no bullshit, no drugs. But, man, the number of little college girls panting to show the world their dangerous side and dudes in bands who think they have to get all their "badass" tats in one sitting really outweighs the number of serious ink collecting dudes who've put more than a week's thought into what they want on their skin FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES.

That's the thing, man. These rocker kids don't think. Yeah, I got a couple when I was young that I wouldn't want to get now I'm older. But, only a couple. They represent what I was, like my newer ones represent what I am. Ain't gotten one yet that says what I'm gonna be, tho'. You know why? 'Cause it's like life; you never know where you might end up. You can't say, "I'm gonna be," 'cause the world throws shit at you faster than you can blink and no matter what you want, sometimes you land in the total wrong direction from where you thought you were headin'. If you go struttin' into an ink shop and say, "I want a dragon sleeve on this arm, flames on this one, and a collage of horror shit on my back and a koi on my chest," yeah, you're doin' a great job of tellin' everyone who you are right now. But you aint left shit for room to tell people who you are when ten more years rolls around.

I guess that's Uncle Spider's advice for all you little fucks out there -- don't fill up your whole body in one sittin'.

Well, I could sit here smokin' and tellin' ya'll all sorts of crap you really don't wanna hear, but I think I've just given myself an idea for another tat for myself -- somethin' that says exactly who I am at this exact moment. I'm gonna go sketch it up. Maybe I'll tell ya'll 'bout it next time.