I'm in a state where my mind is, for lack of a better word, cramped. I initially attributed this to my latest class, Business Law. It was a challenge for me initially as I was not familiar with the concepts. I regret not taking more law classes in college. My brain had to "work" for once, haha.

So, when earlier this week, I kept thinking my brain was a bit tired. I started up a new class though...pretty relentless this MBA thing, heh.

I made an error at work tonight, one that could have been avoided had I paid attention. I didn't kill myself over it, but berated myself enough in the sense that I'm better than that. Recently, (heck, it could have been yesterday, haha) I've come to notice that not only would I be learning a lot of new concepts--I would be learning more about myself as a person, and I would grow and change. Anyway, I made a mistake at work. I knew better, should have paid attention.

I need to grow. I need to adapt, improve. I can't sit back and just let things go. Not that I'm going to start micromanaging every aspect, but I'm growing more aware that there are aspects of my work (and personal) life that I need to change.

So, I started thinking as I drove away in the early hours of the morning. I like working at nights. It's quiet. I can think. Or try to think. I was sitting here, logged into class, and trying to convince myself to do some work. I can, but I'm trying to sort myself out first. While thinking, I thought to myself that this complete mind fuzz or whatever it is that I'm experiencing wasn't some sort of emotional crisis. I'm not having a big hubbub about some guy that I know. No drama, really.

Right whenI thought that, I found I did have some sort of worry. Suppressed, I guess. In the past couple of days, I daydream. A lot. I look to a life where I'm happy--where I'm doing something that I enjoy. My next thought was that I'm doing the MBA to have an opportunity to get in that sort of position. THEN i thought, WHAT is that position?

That was my issue. Or, I felt I hit a bit of a watershed there. What SPECIFICALLY do I want to do? I'm full of vague dreams. Sounds good, but yeah, how do you get to somewhere that you yourself are not sure where that somewhere is? (Sorry if that's confusing). Or career. I really need to think of what I would love to do. I'm going to have this MBA. Just what I'm going to do with it? Not quite sure yet.

I'm always afraid of being stuck in a position where I'd rather not be, and to be unable to get out of it.

Yeah, there's always prayer, and I am trust me, but some legwork and brainwork is required after all.


Anyway, ah, sorry if that was a bit prolonged? I sort of needed to get some of that out. Brain is still a bit cramped, but I think we're making progress. :)