I was very surprised that Alan Carr had a dig with Louis Walsh on his show making a joke that I am now delivering Pizza. I thought he was funnier than that... (actually I really thought he got by on his looks). The old gag about famous people now flipping burgers or delivering pizza has become a staple diet to the tv diner. A throw away line to a throw away society which is being fed junk happy meals of humour.

I'm not disappointed that the joke was on me... it was just that it wasn't that funny. A bloke comes out with that sort of one liner every friday night in a pub in Crawley. Surely our celebrated comedians can do better? Thank godness for Stephen Fry and Q.I.

Alan could be let off for his humour by-pass if it wan't meant to be funny. Just to have a dig with one of Cowell's buddies at the guy who wouldn't play the SUCK UP to the millionaire game... or was it just two kids having a dig at the boy who wouldn't share the crisps. I like to think it wasn't bullying just a familiar story of poor joke writing.

I was branded a flop back in 2005 weeks after a number one album - It's now 2008. Surely, Alan Carr could come up with a better quip at my expense.

Come on Alan take the piss - but make people piss themselves laughing (a little trickle will do).

Meanwhile, Tim Firth's OUR HOUSE UK tour opens in Birmingham in May... don't ask who's serving the ice cream in the intervals.