If i had just died today,  think there would be a few scenes that would flash before my eyes and I would embrace them fondly, knowing i just wasn’t ready for the next realm. I was always a Metacognitionist, a new word i just learned.

Even as a child i always though that if i could stay in the middle, do nothing, be staunch, i wouldn’t have to choose between light and dark, good and bad, yhin and yang. So i established myself a haven. a choice that wasn’t really a choice, staying in the middle. being undecided. not participating. by doing this, i would neither have won or lost. I would’ve been no more happier than i was sad. forever comforted by the apathy that was forfeit, nothing could ever be worse or better, because i abstained from the selfishness of choice.

However, over the years, Daoism, Peer-Pressure and life in itself have all taught me that choices will be made no matter what. Its in every situation and every choice that yin extends her cold, black hand and yang shines brilliantly upon you. The craving for knowledge has never been more powerful than letely and before i forget, these lifedefining moments must be recollected as best i can.

I like this about my blogs, they can always be updated. :-)

Age 6. This is about my seventh time running down the jagged cement sidewalk sloped down to about a 45 degree angle. I trip and scrape a chunk of flesh off my knee. I cry like all hell. I scream, because this isn’t the first time its happened, (actually it’s been happening all week that week.) " Why me? What did i do to deserve this?" and My mother scolds, "it’s because God’s punishing you! because you never listen to me." The explanation i never heard. All i heard was that god was punishing me and i didnt know why. I believe i had flown into some sort of tourettes. " I hate God! He would never do this to me if he loved me!" My mother looked at me as though i was not her kid. " You take that back." she said in the most fluent spanish. " god won’t let you into heaven if you don’t." I could care less about that at the moment because i always had my doubts about things I could not see. "whats wrong with you?" my brother aaron was always too late with his inquiries. That night, i prayed for a good four minutes, scared that i had provoked divine judgement.

And with a scrape on the knee, atheism was born.

Age 8. My sister Jenny, had lost her job and couldn’t afford her House in Rockaway and had to relocate to Manhattan, my house, to be exact. Theres where i met Loudy, my niece and potential confidant. I dunno why we call her loudy, her names Laura. ONe day i wake up at an early 5 AM and she was already awake and sitting on the couch. She asks what anybody would ask a twin, "which one are you?" i had become used to the alientation this questipon would propose, sometimes embrace it, playing pranks on the occasional person or two. So after discussing the earliness of the day we decide to do what kids do best, trouble. We thought it would be a good idea to climb the fire escape to the last (fifth) floor. I wasn’t as scared as i would’ve been because i had done this once before, only I was naked(Age 5). SO then, Loudy leans on over to look down and decides to spit all the way to the pavement. watching that spit splatter, some odd sensation came upon me, and I felt changed, as though something was proved. We were seen by some old bag and we ran for our lives back into the living room of my mothers apartment. we jumped on the couch till Bill nuy the science guy aired.

And with spit and gravity, Metacognition was alive.

I have more life defining moments but, it’s late and i have to call it a night.