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Current mood:  confused
I don't know why but recienty I've been feeling very sad, kind of left out, and sick of having it hard. I've been going to sleep every night around 8pm after crying for a good 30min for who knows what reason. I've been able to keep myself a float for all these years, but reciently I've been "sinking" more oftin, and I'm finding it harder to hold myself together. Also i've been getting the worst headaches. The only person thats able to make me feel any better is Dillon, he makes me feel loved, my relationship with him is whats getting me by, tho it sometimes drives me crazy, because I have very pessimistic thoughts when it comes to any relationship, tho this one i have less, probably because this one i can feel is real. With the love factor,I get love from my friends, (andnot really reciently) but the kind of love I need is not a friendly love, I need a stronger love. They say the strongest love is from a parent to their child, well I don't have that and the lacking of a comfort zone I can go to every day is probably whats breaking me down. Right now, I feel alrght I guess you could say, but I needed to vent my feelings wile I can make sence out of them. And another thing thats breaking me, is I feel like I look like a boy, it bothers me, I have a deeper voice for a girl, and my hair is in the process of growing out so its kinda odd looking, and I look so...butch. It really bothers me, I dont know why but it does. I've been working out and tryng to make myself look better so I can build up my self-esteem, but the whole depression, or what ever it is, thing isn't helping. So yeah...Thats whats on my mind right now.
8:31 PM
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