Q. Hey, my crappy band is playing in NC soon, wanna get us a show with you guys/ trade shows with us/open for us sometime?

A. No. First off, this page is run by an Archers fan, not the band so I can't make that happen. If I could, they'd be on tour and I'd be updating the show schedule, not a blog on friggin' Myspace. Second, since pretty much the entire indie rock world is clamoring for an Archers reunion, it is highly unlikely that they would refuse the hundreds of yearly reunion requests the world over to play with you in NC in a week or two. Third, stop asking because most importantly - if I get bored enough I will start posting your messages on here, complete with your contact info and a smarmy comment from me. Archers of Loaf broke up in 1998 and are not playing together anymore. Do your homework, because you're embarrassing yourself.

Q. Hey, it's me - the guy that played a show with you 12 years ago. Wanna do a project with me, produce my album, be my friend/AA sponsor?

A. I can't speak for the band, so you'll have to contact them yourself. If you really want to say hi or thanks for the music, please leave a comment since the guys might peruse this page and will no doubt appreciate your kind sentiments. Otherwise if it's an important request (as deemed important by me), I will try to pass it along to the appropriate member of the band. Just to clarify - an important request is not "OMG, I love you and want you to check out my band's music." An important request is:
1. "I owe you money and want to pay it back"
2. "I just got back from the clinic and you may want to get yourself checked out."
or
3. "You're the father."

Q. Who are you?

A. My name is Sean B. and I run this page with a fellow Archers fan named Scott. We were not in the band at any point and we simply do this out of love for the band. We're doing our best here, so any complaints you have can be directed to well, nowhere. Make your own fan page if you think you can do it better, jerk. But seriously, we do take requests for songs in the player so just drop us a line or leave a comment and we will eventually get around to complying with your request. And we do appreciate friendly hellos or whatever Archers-related propaganda you want to share with the rest of us Archers fans.

Q. When's the reunion?

A. Fuck if I know. If it ever happened, we'd promote the hell out of it and bombard you with 50,000 bulletins, so don't worry you won't miss out on the news. In the meantime, quit asking me because it depresses me. Especially when I see a Panic! at the Disco video or see kids crying over whatever marginally talented bands are making millions right now.

Q. Why do you require approval for leaving a comment?

A. Oh, I don't know - Maybe it was the endless comments advertising for penis enlargement pills, ads for your band, ads for the Myspace trackers, etc, etc. If you have something worth advertising, a benefit show, something like that - it will get posted and if you ask, I'll send a bulletin about it out for you. If your account got hacked, we don't want your stupid spam. Change your password. By now, you should be aware of security compromises and if you're not, we have too many friends to go through and tell everyone to change their passwords. Sorry, but I don't have the time for that. If you're friend requesting us to use this page as an outlet for your band, label, clothing company - go somewhere else. This is for Archers fans to discuss the band and their music. Rare cases aside, go pester someone else with your nonsense.

Q. Can I use one of your songs for blah, blah, blah?

A. You need to contact the band themselves or Alias records. I have no authority to okay any of that, so please don't waste your time.

Q. Does the band read the messages I send you?

A. No, once again this is run by fans on behalf of the band with their knowledge and approval. However, if I sent every "Hey you guys rock and really inspired me" message to the band, they would block me from their Myspace pages and probably send Jehovah's Witnesses to my house to annoy me (no offense to any of you Jehovah's Witnesses out there, but if I don't want a copy of the Watchtower, why can't you just leave it at that and walk away?). So, important requests and messages I will try to pass along, but I make no promises. If it's that important, please contact the appropriate band member directly or contact them through the label.

Q. Why do you guys rock so much?

A. I assume this is meant for Archers and I have no idea - they just do. As for me? It's genetic. My parents both rocked and/or rolled at various points in their lives and that gene was passed on to me.

Thanks - and have a 'tude burger dude,

Sean B.