Allrigt folks, heres the hjertestop american tour diary 2009.

i couldnt make Lasse to write it this time so its gonna be me that will keep you entertained.. and by the way, i suck at writeing english, so if it look a bit fucked up.. i dont fucking care.

anyway, we well take it from the beginning, in kastrup airport CPH DK.
1/4/09. We have been talking and talking since the tour started gettin booked, about if we at all were able to get in to this fucking country, because of Jespers hobo look, and lasse and me's criminal records, that has a lot of stupid shit on them.. and we thought that if they wouldnt let Torben Knald in because of a fucking pair of drumsticks, they probably wouldnt let a couple in with, violence against the police, organized theft, drugs, squatting, and so on.
so.. after months of discussion, pants shitting, lasse drinking a bottle of lemon vodka a day, and me shouting at him over the phone, we thougt fuck it.. lets just book the tickets, have an easy story to remember about what the hell were doing over there, dress up nice (lasse looked like a fucking idiot haha), and leave our intruments at home, then everything will be just fine.
And crazy enough, it went just fine, when we walked through the customs, i was asked what i was doing there and i started to swet like a pig, " uhmmm, j-j-just wi-wisit-ting a-a freind hehe", and they looked a bit weird at me asked me some more questions, and ended up asking me what i did for a living in copenhagen, and when i told then i work as a caretaker for handicapped people,, all of a sudden i was like jesus to them.. they were saying "boy, america needs people like you, thats a very honorabele job, you could easyly get a job here" and bla bla.. and since the custom people took us aside one by one, we just pointed at eachother going "i dont now, its the other guys friend" if there were something we didnt know.. and BUM, we were standing in burgergreasydudetruckerannoyinglanguage country.

we got picked up at chicago airport after, by a nice guy called Matt, who took us to a guitar shop were me and lasse went crazy, its like candy land for people who likes punishing an instrument, calling them selves musicians, so we got hooked up, drank some beers, ate some thai food, and went too bed.

2/04/09

J E T L A G G G G G .. i woke up five o clock in the morning, and felt like it was 12, the other guys woke up at seven, which they never usualy do unless i force them to when we have a gig or a tour..
we chilled a couple of hours before, our driver which we hadnt met, showed up at 3 to take us to the show.
Andy came, goofy and tall as he is, and said, hjallo, aim andy.. we packed the van which really wasnt a van, but his car, that was so small, that we had to sit with our newly purchased ugly ass coffin hard cases, on top of us in the backseat.
anyway, we went to the venue, drank some beers, ate some american food, and said hello to masshysteri who also were playin that night.
the gig was fucking good, a bit too fast, and a bit too drunk as the first gig on a tour is supposed to be, but shitloads of people and good vibrations.. yeah duude.
we went too sleep at a DUUUDEs place.. one of his friends who works at a pizza place, brought us the fucking biggest pizzas ive seen in my life, we ate 1/55555 of them and went to sleep.

3/04/09
Still fucking jetlag.
we had a 6 hour drive ahead of us, in the fucking small van with the fucking coffin cases on top of us.. the big ass limousine, was to get picked up in minneapolis which we were going to.
the drive was as any other drives, long and borring.
when we got to minneapolis we dumped our shit at andys place, while he picked up the VAAAAN, and we went to eat at a resturant.
we went to the venue which was some guys fucking house.. it looked like some oldskool german bomb sqaut, completely thrased and very familiar haha.
instead of political "seen before" graffiti, there was "crack" "pussy eat pussy" graf all over the place which was pretty funny and "not givning a shit" like, compared to other places we normally play.
the gig was amazing, people went crazy and moshed as fuck, and loads of people went on stage to sing along on the lyrics to our new record which havnt been in the states for more than a couple of weeks.
Lasse saved our drivers girlfriend from getting killed by a speaker after she throwed a peice of her own birthday cake in the face of the singer from Retainers.
bands at the gig ; Holy shit, Retainers
we got drunk talked shit and went to bed to take care of our jetlag.

3/04/09-4/04/09
these two days has to be written about as a whole.
we drove from minneapolis in our new van, which isnt really a van but more like a tank, just without the firepower, on our way to Rapid City South Dakota.
All of a sudden when we were halfway there, a fucking maniac crazy duuuude like snowstorm broke out, and after a while the highway was closed forcing us to cancel the show and stay at a truckstop/tankstation/hellhole, and since we we would have to drive 20 hours after the show in Rapid City,  and the highway wasnt gonna open in quite a while, we had to cancel the show the day after in Seattle too.. a fucking shame since it was supposed to be in a tattoo shop.
So with the snow storm outside, we got drunk inside.. lasse got hit on by a fucking ugly greasehouse attendant, who called him honey and made shure that he had all them frieeess he could eat.
we drank some beers in a fucking slum casino hall in the tankstation, and went to rent a motel and watch fox news, going depressed to sleep.

to be continued



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(  ... and then we played 50 more shows, drove almost 20.000 miles, got drunk, had fun, and forgot to write the diary. The end..  )