Marriage Memories and Observations

Happy Anniversary to me! I remember that day well..May 21st 1994.
Actually my father sort of picked the date. Shelli and I had just
moved in together at the time and my dad said "well, are you getting
married?" We said emphatically "Yes!" He said "when?" And we
said "this spring".

We were getting some heartburn from Shelli's mom and dad who did NOT
want us living together before we got married. Looking back on that
now, and being a parent and a Christ Follower…and a LOT smarter…I
would have felt the exact same way. I didn't understand what a "God-
Centered Marriage" looked like back then. (Craig Groeschel has a
great sermon on this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7nWyzs67I0 ) We
had every reason in the book to live together first. Although we
never went into our relationship, much less marriage being able to
even pronounces the "D" word. That's what we called divorce, even
back then. It was the worst swear word that could be uttered.

Dad said "well, why don't you tell Shelli's folks that it's the third
weekend in May. At least then you have a date and it's official".

The 21st of May was SOOOO hot. It was the hottest day of the year at
the time, and yes, even in northern Michigan a church without air
conditioning can reach well over 90 degrees. It was
uncharacteristically warm that day and I felt it. Add a beautiful
long white dress, a black tuxedo and a candle on every pew (and there
was also a lit candle IN the decorative fans that the 6 bridesmaids
were carrying) and you can only imagine the heat. (I would have been
sweating if it would have been 30 below though!) 3 hours before the
5:30 time, I was with my best friend Dennis at his house getting
ready. He had to stop by the salon where Shelli was getting her hair
done to drop something off, and came out of the hair salon grinning
ear to ear. He said "ummm…Jay, Shelli looks GOOD! REALLY GOOD!"

We had lots of friends and family attend the wedding and reception,
live music from family members. What sticks out in my mind other
than how striking Shelli looked, is Shelli's grandfather Henry
reading 1 Corinthians 13:4 "4Love is patient, love is kind. It
does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record
of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the
truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always
perseveres." Then, Henry stopped, looked at Shelli and I and said "I
am giving you this bible. I want you to read it EVERY DAY. This is
my gift to you and it you do that one simple thing, you will have a
great marriage". That comment didn't make much of an impact on me at
the time.

Henry was one of the strongest (literally and figuratively) men I
have ever met. He had a love for God and his family. Even after his
wife got diabetes and lost a leg and part of her mind during her last
few years, he went to the facility where she lived EVERY day for
lunch and prayer. There's a whole book to be written about Henry.

Henry was very frugal and had plenty of money. I now understand that
frugality and the abundance of money are not diametric opposites, but
interlinked. It was that frugality that compelled him to take the
roses off of his wife's casket and hand them to the daughters and
granddaughters that were at Grandma's funeral, before they lowered
the casket in the ground…"It just didn't make any sense to bury those
roses, I just bought them!!" he said.

I remember another time with Henry; I was helping Shelli's sister's
husband sand drywall on a ceiling with an electric sander. We were
on a ladder and my arms were killing me. "Fatiguing". Henry told me
to get off the ladder, and he finished the job…he was 76 at the
time!

It only took me about 10 years after Shelli and I got married to
actually listen to the words in the passage that Henry read…and about
11 years of marriage to start REALLY applying them. A year or so
ago, I remember saying to Shelli, "wow, you have been so much more
submissive lately." Her response was "well, you've been a much
better leader". It's amazing what happens when you start walking
together in a God-Centered relationship. We have been through some
tough stuff since we said "I Will". Sickness, money trouble, past
hurts resurfacing, frustration, addiction and many other cracks and
bends. Our marriage is stronger now, and I love my wife more today
than ever before. Knowing what I know now, I would have done 2
things differently: 2) Get to know Jesus sooner, and 2) Applied the
passage that Henry read on May 21, 1994 in my marriage sooner.

Happy Anniversary Shelli! I'm looking forward to the next 13 years!

Jason