The previous blog entery was from yesterday, I just posted it now.  I had a long thought to myself on my walk the evening about my mental health.  I wish I could say I got somewhere.  In some respects I have.  I am going to stop being this out of control guy hunter.  lol.  I can't do it anymore, it is driving me insane.  I am looking for love so agressivly, it has lost meaning to me.  To prevent myself from getting wrapped into the next guy, I am going to, well, stop trying to make things happen.  The only, ONLY time things advance for me, is when I make them happen.  I am always the one asking to hang out, trying to arrange... rearrange, and so forth.  It has been like this for years.  So I am done.  No more hook-ups, and no more facebook/myspace adds.  No more meeting guys at bubble tea or a random coffee shop.  I am offically retiring.  I will always be open to a guy who really shows interest in me... but I am done showing my own interest.  I simply don't have interest to show any more.  All I can do is cry right now.  When I look at an attractive person, I now get this sick feeling in the pit of my tummy, like something isn't right.  That isn't right.  So this maddness mus end.  I need to stop making myself crazy.  Now.