I still feel like my life is lacking meaning right now.

I just watched a walk to remeber and I cried so much my shirt is wet.

I am not happy right now, and I know that need to change.  However, I am seeing the world a lot different then I used to (not all bad).  This evening I went for a walk to the park, sat in one of those big swings, and gazed at the stars as the sun set.  It was beautiful.  It reminds me of my times 'with' Guy.  Where my mind could just float away.  I am really mixed up right now.  Haha, what else is new?

I think I know how to fix this though.  I have been putting a lot of weight onto this Nepal trip... but it is actually making things worse right now in some ways.  I am going to find a way to volunteer my excess time for the summer, right here in the community.  I still want to go to Nepal... but the reason i want to go to Nepal is to find meaning.  And, I think, if I look hard, I can find that meaning here as well.  I am not sure what I am going to do.  My back-up is the thift shop, but I would like to do something different.  I would like to do it in Elmira, so I wouldn't have to drive.  But I may go and spend some time at a homeless shelter in Waterloo or something.  Elmira doesn't have a lot of stuff volunteer oriented that isn't long term.

So, maybe this will help with my void of meaning.  I know it will.  I just need to do it.  I have always found God, or something, when I do my work.  May it be when I volunteered at the thift shop, or did my missions projects in the states.  I also found something when I was in Algonquin... a simple meaning.  It is amazing how much meaning building a campfire can have.  I hate our culture.  I hate it.  We don't value what we do.  We can't.  We don't know how.