this is not a work of prose.

i'm being dramatic, but i'm also just being real.

so far in the year 2009, i've slept three hours.

the (southern) landed gentry has moved in next door, and i'm trying my best to be okay with it, but it's not okay.

that's not where this started, but i think that's what the problem really is.

i told someone again that i can't do it. i'm really just not capable right now. it's not anything about her. that person was not the landed gentry, but the polar opposite. a side much more attractive, but i am not being attracted. i felt bad because i couldn't really explain why i can't do it.. this is the third time this has happened, recently. the second time was with the landed gentry herself.

this is all the result of an anxiety towards my context. quote michael roy.

as of today i am no longer medicated. it's been a weird day. i couldn't sleep. it was too bright in my room.

new year's eve was great until i had to tell her. after that, i handled it by driving for an hour and a half in the dark until i was thirty miles away from the missouri state line. ineffective. i turned around because i was almost out of gas.



i didn't make it to chicago.




my good friend, probably my best, talked me down when i got back. it was the first time ever. it helped.

i still feel like i can't live in the south much longer.

this is not that serious, if you were worried. i've been laughing all day.

thanks if you read.

there's an installation on the floor in my bedroom. i wrote it just now. feel free to come look at it if you want. it will help us get to know each other better.

i'm taylor, by the way.