TODAY I am fresh like the freshest river water.  TODAY I am the realization of what being in love with the sound of my keys on the busted Toshiba keyboard sounds and feels like. What being in love with my life feels like.  TODAY I am the realization of the release of every drop of sweat from my hard work.

I AM BEING a perfect manuscript's crispness slid into an envelope.. I AM BEING a 92 station wagon sourced for free  that works perfectly, she's just a little loud, climbing Fruitvale canyons, sliding into Laurel parking spots next to sage biscuit breakfast spots, slid behind another twenty hoopties with Obama bumperstickers to sip a beer. I AM BEING easy, grown and lovely

I AM RELEASING my fear of opening the letter or answering the phone, stale days staring at a screen numbing myself with HBO series and online communities. I AM RELEASING such a series of old scars ripping lose and rubbed off into crumbs brushed off my healed knee. I AM RELEASING every one else's everything before my own.

I AM CREATING ground and strategies where I take care of my business and it gets easier and easier. I AM CREATING  a legacy that will be around after I'm gone and an everyday that's full of joy. I AM CREATING the conditions to give birth to my daughter in four years.
 
WHAT I LOVE ABOUT MY LIFE IS: almost everything, everything! I LOVE
my Hot Chocolate binder and Hello Kitty pencil case ready for Poetry for the People Student Teacher Poet-ing in a month. I LOVE nectarine sorbet and honey nutmeg icecream in a cone with a kiss of chocolate at the tip. I LOVE my sleeping schedule so for the first time in years my fibro body gets enough rest and wakes up ready! I LOVE weeks of hard work and then driving with Beena screaming along to "Ride the Fence" on the 880,  to swim in the ocean at Santa Cruz and drink dark and stormies and eat Hawaiian burgers. I LOVE  that what the hell, I'm going to Hawaii for free for a queer APIA partner abuse conference on labor day weekend?! I LOVE that The Revolution Starts at Home is DONE!!!! Four years hard work paying off, 135 pages, we wrote  a book, we change the world! I LOVE  that this year I will have enough money from pelvic modelling, teaching, grad assistting and personal assisting and I WONT be crazy working too hard staying in my PJs til a half hour before class. I LOVE that I will graduate in a year with two books and an MFA. I LOVE my everyday head nod of Oakland. I LOVE my life overflowing with Beena, Cherry, Maceo, friends from Toronto visiting, David unexpected down the block from the school I taught at, all my richness of friends. I LOVE one mango and tequilla gyrating on the patio at Oasis. I LOVE Elizabeth Alexander. I LOVE the entire damn Oakland and SF Library systems. I LOVE late nights, okay, more like 10 PM cuz we're old calls catching up with Felix on the phone. I LOVE that I'm going to be keynoting at the Femme Conference next to Dorothy Allison in less than a week. I LOVE learning not to panic. I LOVE thriving. I LOVE Generation Five and the promise of ending abuse in 125 years. I LOVE the questions they ask. I LOVE walking towards compassion to my parents and being sure I will birth newness.

I CELEBRATE AND NURTURE MY EXISTENCE as ripe nectarine, laughing girl, words and work and joy flowing effortless, rough, just like a river goes smooth and crazy over rock.