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Current mood:Realizing
Category: Blogging
It's hard to believe that almost 3 years ago I met him, my life was such a mess back then but at least I had people that loved and cared about me. All those friends I used to have changed so much and I hate what most of then have become. I hate how much he has even changed. He was my chocobo, my puppy, my best friend, but these days he seems so different, but I guess I can't expect everything to stay the same right?
People come and go in my life just like everyone else. Sometimes I wish things could go back to the way they used o be but I know they won't and I know they can't. Although I miss the way things used to be but I know if they were some of my closest friends now wouldn't be as close as they are now with me or even friends with me. At least back then not as many people lied to me and I was accepted by so many more people than I am now.
You ever sit down and just think about how much you've changed and how much your life has changed? I have and I couldn't believe what I realized, I think I've changed for the better in a lot of ways but I also know that I'm way more paranoid and distant from people now, so I guess that's a change for the worse, but now I'm a stronger person and I think a better person over all. I feel like I'm trying to win a losing battle sometimes and sometimes it feels like sometimes I'm trying for nothing.
I hate how people try purposely to fuck me over or fuck with my relationships, I think they need to just get a life, it's so annoying how I feel like a lot of people I once loved and trusted with all my secretes are now against me trying to destroy the few things I have that make me happy, and make me smile real smiles. I'm so thankful that I still have a few friends that I can trust with all my secretes though and continue to be on my side. It's always nice to know people care about you and over the past few years I've weeded out the people that truly care about me and love me. Those are the people that I can trust, those are the people that are worth fighting for and worth being apart of my life. The most fucked up part of it all is that the few friends that I have that are trustworthy mostly live in other states.
I'm so sick of all the lies, betrayal, and just ruthlessness of these people that I was supposed to be able to trust. I know one day Karma is gonna come back and bite them in the ass. I can only hope that I can continue to stay strong through all the bull shit and pointless arguments and keep those few special people in my life that I have come to trust and love so much.
My advice to anyone who'd reading this and is going through something similar to this or feeling similar is to just hold on and wait it out, you'll find those special people that are worth being your friends, and change is just apart of life you just have to learn to adapt to it and realize, maybe it's not so bad.
12:32 AM
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