..
Yes, I know it's pretty scary. I had a couple of friends who seriously couldn't look at me. Here's some other pics from the party.....
Nice.
2. And speaking of pics, Sunday morning was the New York City Marathon which goes right down my Ave...
And as we walked along 4th Ave to go to breakfast, I noticed a sign out of the corner of my eye...I couldn't believe it...
So apparently there's two of us in NYC. The lady was kind and let me take a pic of the sign. Maybe it was a sign for me, too?
3. I was going to make this a blog of its own, but I saved it.
I call this abomination of American Life...
"This is Legacy. I'm hanging up now."
It's like this...
Last Thursday my father flew into JFK to visit for the weekend. I told him I'm pick him up. So I got on the train, sat down, and started reading my paper. And just as I heard "Stand clear of the closing doors, please", I realized that I didn't have my cell phone. Since I was on the Long Island Rail Road and not the regular subway, I couldn't go back to get it.
So now, I had to go pick someone up at the airport without a phone. Should be interesting. But I had my wallet. This shouldn't be TOO bad, right?
Once I got to the Airtrain, I caught a pay phone out of the corner of my eye. I went up to it, picked it up, and realized it was out of order.
Awesome.
So, I got my card for the Airtrain and headed out to the terminal.
Just one small problem, I realized on the Airtrain that I didn't know what airline my father was flying in on. So I had NO clue what terminal to go to.
I got off at Terminal 3 which is the Delta Terminal. As soon as I exited the Airtrain, I saw another pay phone. I went up to it...it was also out of order.
Awesome.
So I walked forever to get to the Delta Terminal itself. I went in and saw a bunch of phones. But once I got up to them, they were all direct connection phones for hotels and car services.
Awesome.
So I asked the (enter sarcastic tone here) incredibly polite security guard where the closest pay phone was. His reply...
"Dwonstersss"
"Excuse me?"
"DWONSTEEERSSS"
"How do I get downstairs?"
To which he just pointed to an elevator.
So I went downstairs and found three pay phones and one of them was working (YAY!!). Now, I had no change, I only had bills and my debit card. I called home to see how much they'd ask for...I knew my Dad's cell phone would be more expensive because it's a Buffalo zip code.
"puleeze...deposieet...fifty....cents".
That sounded right. Of course, the phone had no bill slot and no credit card slot, so I had to find change. So, like you do, I went over to the vending machines.
Being an airport, I knew that snacks and drinks would be more expensive, but I kid you not, EVERYTHING was even dollar prices. Bottled water=$2, chips=$1, etc...
Awesome.
SO, I went back over to the pay phone to try and use my debit card.
'For help: 411'
I dial 411.
"puleeze...deposieet...fiftee...cents"
Hmmmm, ok. Don't have that.
I pick up the phone, and go old school...
I dial "0"
Here's where it starts getting fun...
'Welcome to Legacy...
to make a collect call, press 1
I press 1.
"Please enter the number you wish to call"
I enter the number.
"I'm sorry, but this number cannot be contacted for a collect call."
Awesome.
I hang up and dial "0" again.
'Welcome to Legacy...
to make a collect call, press 1
to make a call using a credit card, press 2...
I press 2.
two rings...
"Thank you for calling Legacy, this is Jamal. May I help you?"
"Yes, hi, my name is-"
"THANK YOU FOR CALLING LEGACY. MAY I HELP YOU?"
"YES, HELLO? Can you hear me?"
"Thank you for calling Legacy. I'm hanging up now."
WTF?!?!?!
So I call back again and press 2.
""Thank you for calling Legacy, this is Julie. May I help you?"
"Yes, hi, can you hear me?"
"THANK YOU FOR CALLING LEGACY. MAY I HELP YOU?"
"HELLLLOOOOOOO?!?!?!?!"
"Thank you for calling Legacy. This is Julie. I'm hanging up now."
Awesome.
Why did they have to tell me that they're hanging up on me? They were SO polite about it. Honestly.
SO, having had no luck, I thought to myself,
'I KNOW that they have pay phones AND a Dunkin' where I can get change at the Jet Blue Terminal."
As it was getting late, I ran back to the Airtrain and rushed to Terminals 5/6, The Jet Blue Terminals.
Sure enough, as soon as I got off the escalator I saw the pay phones. Two of them. I didn't really want to buy anything just to get change so I thought I'd try "0" again. So I went right up to the first one and pressed "0".
'Welcome to Legacy...
to make a collect call, press 1
to make a call using a credit card, press 2...
I press 2.
to make a call using a calling card, press 3...
I press 2 harder.
to make an international call, press 4...
I press 2 HARDER!
to make a...
I PUNCH the keypad with my fist. Yes, I have issues.
Awesome.
Screw it! I'll use the other phone!!
I pick up and press "0".
'Welcome to Legacy...
to make a collect call, press 1
to make a call using a credit card, press 2...
I press 2.
Two rings...
"Thank you for calling Legacy, this is Steven. May I help you?"
"Yes, CAN YOU HEAR ME?!?!?!"
"THANK YOU FOR CALLING LEGACY. MAY I HELP YOU?"
"OH YOU'RE F%^#IN' KIDDIN" ME, STEVE! HELLO?!?!?!"
"Thank you for calling Legacy. I'm hanging up now."
At this point, ya know that sweat on the back of your neck that can start in cases of panic or frustration (or both)? Yeah, that was on.
'F it. I'll go to Dunkin, buy something and get change' I thought to myself.
So I find the Dunkin' but I don't see any employees.
Finally after waiting a few minutes, I look behind the counter, there is a small girl sitting and talking on her cell phone.
"Are you open?" I ask.
She rolls her eyes, stands up, and comes to the counter (while still talking on her cell phone).
"I really just need quarters so I'll take anything as long as you can please give me my change in quarters".
She says nothing to me. Just grabs a donut, throws it (literally) into a bag, and rings up $.96. I give her two dollars and she gives me my change in quarters (while still talking on her phone).
Normally, I would complain to this person, but I was in a hurry.
I wolfed down my donut and walked back over to the pay phones, put in $.50 and called home.
"Hello?"
"Hey, I left my phone there, can you PLEASE call my Dad, find out where he is and ask him where I should meet him?"
"Sure"
"Thanks! I'll call back in 5 minutes."
"Ok, bye."
Down to 50 cents.
I wait my five minutes, and call back.
"Hello?"
"Hey, it's me again. I-"
"HELLO?"
"Hello can you hear me?"
"HELLLOOOO?!?!?!?"
"OH MY F'IN LORD YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS! HELLO?!?!?!"
"ANDY IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, YOUR DAD SAID TO MEET HIM AT THE LUGGAGE CAROUSEL!"
"WHAT AIRLINE?!?!?!"
"I HOPE YOU CAN HEAR ME...THE LUGGAGE CAROUSEL!! BYE!"
Awesome.
At THIS point...I came close to screaming. No joke. I felt like I was going to punch the next person I looked at.
I figured I'd have to call my Dad directly. So I dialed his number...
"Please...deposit...one...dollar"
Ugh. OK...
Awesome.
I was SO done with the Dunkin' "lady", so I found another shop, asked how much the bottled waters were...
"$2.75"
Of course! Why wouldn't a small bottled water be $2.75?
I bought one with a $5 bill and got all my change in quarters.
I walked back to the pay phones.
I put in four quarters and dialed my Dad's number...
"Duh dah deeeee! I'm sorry, you must dial '1', then the area code, then the number you wish to reach. Please hang up and try again".
Awesome.
I hang up and wait a sec for the quarters to fall...
and wait...
I press down to hang up AGAIN!
and wait...
and wait...
NO quarters.
Nothing.
I paid a dollar to hear that message.
Awesome.
I was red. I was BURNING red!!!
Out of the corner of my eye I see a number listed on the phone to call for refunds.
I call the number...
'Welcome to Legacy...
to make a collect call-
no. No. NO. NOOOOO NOOOOOOO!
Awesome.
I hang up.
I had ONE dollar left. Good God. Please.
I lift the receiver, put in four quarters, dial 1, then my Dad's number...
two rings...
"Hello?"
"Dad?"
"Andaaaa. What's up?"
"Dad...listen VERY closely...where...are...you?
"I'm still on the plane. We'll be out soon."
"What...airline?"
"Delta" (the airline terminal I had FIRST gotten off at)
"I...will...meet...you...at...the...Airtrain...of...Terminal...3"
"Um, ok. Are you alright?"
"no. NO, I am not alright at all but I'll tell you later."
"Ok, see you then.
"Bye".
So I went BACK to Terminal 3, and greeted my father.
Good...God...I...hate...Pay...Phones.
And if I EVER find out who's in charge of Legacy, I'm going to buy a new golf club (with "This is Legacy, I'm hanging up now!" engraved on it) with which I will beat them within an inch of their life.
4. May as well keep the negative ones together...
To hell with The Yankees!!!
Many of you see me bitching about The Yankees and I know you all don't know why. It's very simple...
I have a regular Wednesday night show that is the same time, same place, every Wednesday. It's an Irish Pub called Rumours.
Whenever there's a post season Yankees game (playoffs or world series), I get canceled so that people can listen to the game.
While these Wednesday nights do vary, I make a flat rate plus tips each week. Meaning, any time I'm canceled, I lose a LOT of money.
I don't know about you, but I need money. And to me, it's NOT ok that I lose so much of it each year to The Yankees who make more money than I do while they're in the bathroom.
So, I say again...to hell with The Yankees!!!
5. Saw VI...is pretty twisted. Also, it's VERY relevant to the current healthcare debate. I know, strange, right? But it is. It fits in VERY much with what's going on. I liked it.
6. I found out how much I've missed public speaking. I was invited to speak at a music panel last Tuesday. My topic was "raising donations for albums". I do have experience with that.
And it felt GREAT! I really think I could've been a good teacher (my original life plan). Not to blow my own horn but I felt like I was articulate, funny, yet informative and interesting. I'm sure my years of stage experience didn't hurt.
7. I have a new hero...
AmazingAnd such a good voice, too!
8. I received the most confusing Fortune Cookie I've ever seen in my life...
WTF?!?!?!?
9. Not to end on a sad note...but for those of you who know who he is...
Captain A is back. And I think he's on steroids.
It's gotten really bad again.
Wish me luck.
Thanks as always for reading.
Mac
