I got an email earlier this week from my friend Katarah, saying that he is now doing Reiki sessions from his apartment for a very small fee.  Well I had never heard of Reiki, but he said it was about healing energy, and I knew I could use some of that.  I'm happy to support my friends and I'll try anything once.  I did some brief research and found that Reiki involves the laying on of hands to infuse the body, mind and spirit with positive energy and realease the negative.  As a die-hard skeptic and with little scientific evidence in it's favor I thought it was probably some more flakey new-age bullshit, but I couldn't find any scientific evidence against it either and decided that since I need some healing, and since he is my dear friend and cares about me, what could it hurt.  I went into it thinking that some meditation would surely do me good and I've been pretty desperate to relax anyway, so off I went.
In general, I really enjoy being right, but today it was awesome to be wrong.
I remain a skeptic, but I also recognize that there are things science cannot explain just yet and I simply like to believe that I am more than a series of chemical reactions.  I can no longer call it flakey new-age bullshit because it worked.  I got what I needed, and afterward he told me about some visualizations he had that revealed his skill at seeing through my facade and right into my soul.  The man has a gift.  He found the source of all my sorrows, tapped it and let it run.  Walking home I felt lighter than I have in years, like I was made of air, and I realized that I'd been carrying alot of very heavy stuff while trying like hell to continue to be the rock that everyone else can lean on, when in truth I was being crushed by all that weight.  True spiritual healing is still a long way off for me, but I took the first step and I can see the end of the path from here.  I've been so busy drowning in the present that I forgot about all there is to look forward to.  I've spent so much time defining myself in terms of  "we"and "us" that I forgot what "me" is.  Eventually I will be thouroughly purged of all that and I am looking forward to meeting me.  I think I'm gonna like her. 
So the skeptic is becoming a believer, although I'm not sure in what, and I will be going back for more.  In the meantime, I don't always have to be as strong as I am.  My family and I have been through a lot, and not just recently, there are old wounds reopening as well, but it's ok.  We've been through it all, name the tragedy, I've survived it.  And that's exactly what I'll continue to do, but after this morning's meditation I've come to realize that I do not exist for the benefit of others, and it's about damn time I learned to let go.  I don't need to be a rock, sometimes I can flow with the tide and not worry that I'll be carried away by it if I just relax.  Stones will eventually be worn down by running water simply because they refuse to float.