It's been awhile since I wrote a personal blog that wasn't a poem, so I imagine this'll be refreshing 2 the few who read my blogs regularly. I'm really feeling some kinda way and I'm kinda bored at work, so this seems to be the perfect opportunity to vent. I suppose I should start by saying I'm a pastor's child (if you weren't already aware). Not that this entitles me to any greatness, nor would it guarantee that I have (or should have) any special knowledge or concern about spiritual matters, but I do believe it is the reason behind what concern I do have about God's people (all of us...if you were told otherwise) and our state of existence... if we can even call it that.
The church has been apart of my life since I was conceived and though I have long lost the urge to cling to religion, in practice,... my spirit in the spirit grows everyday- in moments of doubt and in faith, by grace as well as love.

Anyway...the reason for this blog is a deep rooted sadness I feel for God dialogue as of current (and quite possibly...dare I say...as it has always been). Yesterday I found myself searching through Youtube for videos and music by an artist named "Tonex". I'd heard about him for awhile, and still have yet to find but one song of his I was really engaged by, which is called "Why"(...also on youtube.. [Side note 2 those who get it: There is no such thing as a coincidence]) Other than that, most of his music (that I've heard) doesn't strike me as hard as it does some, but still....I heard enough talk about him to believe I may be sleeping on him) (background info, for those who may not have heard of him: Tonex is a singer, rapper, artist who is known by most for making gospel music. From what I've read he does not claim any specific genre (gospel or secular) although his music is very spiritually charged and he speaks with great conviction of God's role in his life. To the church he is very controversial, as is any new thought or concept unfortunately, but he is pretty successful in what does despite being called out of his name. I'll admit here I know very little about Tonex, and gospel music honestly, but in case you did not even know this much, I figured this would suffice).

So...I came across a song (and a famous one by now apparently...though this was my first time hearing it) entitled "The Naked Truth" in which Tonex raps...kinda like a diss track (to those who half listen) but I heard something much more than a "diss". Anyway, in the track he uses profanity such Nigga, Faggot, Bullshit and describes himself with his middle fingers up. (so I guess it's safe to include Fuck You. lol) In MY OPINION, the song was aiight....he said some powerful stuff (depending on where you stand as far as ministry is concerned) but other than that from an emcee standpoint I wouldn't be worried about him as a rapper.

(I say this, to help you understand how the track comes off....i mean you could go look it up yourself, but if you don't feel like it, and your on some "I spit" type shit, then you should already have an idea of what it sounds like.)

So the song goes on and he talks about his triumph over persecution and molestation, his newfound victory, as well as what he believes will come of his current trials as a man and an artist. Needless to say this caused an apparent uproar in the church and gospel music community, and I found several videos of personal web cam statements, defending and attacking Tonex for this song, as well as forum threads debating Tonex and Sripture and Morality and the like. Along with the videos I found links to other videos of a man by the name of G Craig Lewis. Now THIS GUY I've heard of.....his work found it's way to my house actually...

G. Craig Lewis is the leader (and founder, I'm assuming) of a company called "Ex-Ministries". There's hearsay that he is also a failed rapper and producer, which would explain alot, but I don't know if that is true or not so I won't stand by it. He has a relatively famous DVD called "The Truth behind Hip-Hop" which somebody gave my father. When I saw it laying around one day, and I saw it was concerning hip-hop and God...I indulged and watch as much as I could (which was his whole sermon pretty much) up until he started "laying hands" on congregation members. (which I always have a problem with, especially if I question your message, but regardless....that's God's job)...As far as I know my father never even watched it, cuz when I got to it it hadn't been opened...in fact, he was mad at me later on for just opening his shit like that, seeing as it was in his office...
So in the DVD he calls out all types of artists, secular and Gospel (Tonex included, by the way...and from what I remember he got extra "convicted" when discussing Tonex)....he begins to claim hip-hop's origins are in ancient Egypt....which he connects to Polytheism (multiple Gods)...which by design is Anti- Monotheistic...which would (to most monotheists) be a blatant sign of the Devil's hand and could be in no way of God or of any good. He also points out hip-hop's connection to the 5%er's movement in NY around the time hip-hop came into existence..

So pretty much it's your everyday witch-hunt.

Everyone you can think of gets called out. D'Angelo's Voodoo album "is the work of real Voodoo". Erykah Badu "is evil and worships herself (remember the line: ....if we were made in His image then call us by our names....)", Snoop's song and video "Murder was the Case" was, according to Lewis, an actually testament to a pact Snoop supposedly made with the devil to be resurrected and given fame.....(I mean really..)....and so on and so on and so on. He even goes on to claim that Jay-Z "believes he's God (thus calling himself J-Hova)" ....and he plays a track from the Grey album backwards in which we hear "6 6 6..Murder Jesus"

Okay here's where we stop.....ANYBODY who knows about the Grey album knows Jay had no hand in it's production. Producer Danger Mouse took accapellas from the Black Album (which Jay-Z made purchasable to the public) and Remixed it using Beatles Samples.....ANYBODY who knows anything about music production and editing...know's how easy it is to slice a sample of some one saying "6" or "Jesus" or even the word "Murder"....and place them wherever you may, in whatever order, however many times in order to produce the desired affect. The question then becomes "Why would danger mouse include that backwards message?"...As some of you may or may not know, it has become custom in many forms of music (and elsewhere) for artist to play the "devil card" in order to get a reaction out of people....to the degree where Sebastian Bach (former Skid Row frontman) shouted "666!" at the end of his run on reality show "Celebrity Rap Superstar”, for no apparent reason...other than "look at me i'm controversial and cool and still fighting the system even though I’m old".
I, myself don't play with certain language and imagry by choice, but I refuse to label others as "devil worshipers" or whatever for doing these things. I think that's very ignorant and I address it with the saying “To each his own”. Backmasking (which is the art of placing backwards messages in music) has been done by musicians since the 60's and is relatively easy to do with computers these days. Danger Mouse knows why he did it and that's that. Only G Craig Lewis didn't attack Danger Mouse in order to win people "to Christ"....He went after the bigger target ...Jay Z. And if he had done ANY research on the Grey album....he would have known Jay role, or rather lack of a role in, this....though we hear none of this on the DVD...only "See! Devil Music!"

So G. Craig Lewis is condemning everyone (and in my opinion intentionally lying, in what he believes is the interests of God and God's people), and Tonex is Rapping about persecution with what some would deem a mouth not fit for a minister, and on the sidelines people are shouting "Heretic!" "Prophet!" "Saviour!" "Hell!" "Devil!" "Sancified!" "Chosen!".

Web Cam statements.

Scripture upon scripture.

Anger. Sandness.

Prayer. Confusion.

blah blah blah blah blah blah.

None of this is new to me (or you, most likely). None of this is a surprise. And this is what makes me so sad that I don't even wanna eat until I finish this statement (which I believe few of my "friends" will even care enough about to read this far).
Language, although important, has been elevated to such a status in the church (which by definition...I consider to be the whole world...not that the church, in and of itself, is the world to me, rather the world as i see it is one big church) that we no longer pay attention to the message, nor have any idea how to even start a trustworthy dialogue about how to find said message. Everything is quoted out of text (scriptures, testaments) and we all claim God, while we seek to glorify ourselves.

I say WE mind you….and I point this out because I don't want ANYBODY to think i think i'm spared of the judgment that I am aware I'm making. All the while also aware that I have no right to judge AT ALL even though it is my nature as a human.

In church (the institution, as most of us know it) God language of varying degrees is used all throughout liturgy (the service) to the point where listeners are easily confused by it's purpose or meaning, and depending on the speaker, are offered no explanation. The ones who are able to dig through this ancient language and find it's place in humans of any century, do this only through a deep rooted personal connection with God that builds over years of faith

(which, btw, is just as I learned Jesus taught should be...as far as those who "follow" Him are concerned)

But my issue is....that it offers little to no hope to anyone who is being introduced to Christ and Christianity, but confusion about hearsay about what it all means… And I thought the original intention was to encourage healing and comfort to those who don't even belief comfort exists.

How can I teach someone who speaks Spanish, English...when I'm speaking in an English-Only Building to English Speakers? (I hope that made sense to some cuz it was the best I could offer)

As a writer/speaker, I confront the everyday reality that we as a people are losing the ability to seek "the message" in anything spoken. And everyday I see hip-hop attacked for it’s language, while it's general message is overlooked.

(Even the most ignorant "Bang Bang" rhyme has a simple message of "I survive by any means necessary, and tend to those I love the only way I can."...which is a grand statement for anyone to make with vigor...especially any stolen people with extreme identity complexes and justified paranoia due to a questionable history.)

I believe faith is the central factor in the life of any self-conscious creature, but we can't get off the pulpit long enough to discuss it, nor shut up long enough to listen to what other people or even OURSELVES are saying.

Sometimes i question if we got it fucked up, the very next day after Jesus left. (it being the message of Christ....if you don't subscribe that's cool, and considering how it's been spread I wouldn't blame you.)

I just know (from personal experience) that God can bring peace to any moment of confusion in an instant if one truly believes. And I know we could all benefit from this, but every where I turn I see more self-chosen "truth-tellers" building up walls around the truth....trapping those who are really trying to shed light, and blocking those who are genuinely interested in finding out what the truth really is.

And even worse, I’m afraid that I’m probably doing the same damn thing…

As time goes on I lose all faith in Man, within and out of the church. (Which I believe is right, but is still soooooo sad.)

And the only thing I feel I can trust is the moment when I seek to shut of my mind, and silently speak to God.

I cry because everybody wants and is entitled to peace.

But I don't think we should try helping other people find it anymore.

Not that the desire to help is bad. I just don't think we as humans are capable of it when we intentionally try.

All I think we should do is seek to help ourselves (find peace with "God" ...however you personally call Him or Her).

and maybe....just maybe....as we are honest with ourselves, someone else will benefit from watching us.

but yeah.....this shit makes me sad. and I just had to express it.

well whatever....I'm hungry and I have to pee.

Happy Thanksgiving bitches.

i'm ghost-deni

Pray, if you do.




-Sah
 

well written as always, though that is not the point.

honestly, your honesty
humbles me.

what the world needs now is Love.
Whatever name that may be.

I miss you. Love you.
Take care, man.