I never believed that I deserved to be happy I think.  I searched all of my life for my soulmate, soulmate - ha - people would say I found my soulmate and I would think, yeah right.  You silly delusional person - there is no such thing.  So, I went thru half of my life just settling, thinking well this is it.  I have my beautiful smart children, what else do I need.  I need to make them happy and give them whatever they want, if that means staying with a man that tried to kill my body and my soul, then so be it.  It is what they wanted.  So, for the first few years of my childrens life I stayed and stayed not realizing that by giving them the father they wanted I was taking away the mother that I could really be.  Then I met Mark, an unlikely person, the wrong person in the most unlikely of places.  But in Mark I found my soulmate, I knew from the very moment I looked into his eyes, I KNEW it.  Isnt it crazy??  It is crazy - he couldnt be the one and this could NOT be the place or the time to find him.   Turns out all you naysayers beware, there is such a thing as a soulmate and God will lead you to him or her in his own sweet time.  I think he led me to mine just a little later than most because I was just NOT learning my lessons and sticking to them.  I was NOT giving myself to him, no how no way but when I finally did, it finally happened.  Mark helped to give my children their mother back to them and though life is certainly not perfect, it can still sometimes be scary - I now know who I am and I know that I am a good worthy loving person.  Mark told me that God helped put two lost and lonely souls together at a time when we both needed it most.

Mark is kind, sweet, sensitive and the funniest person I know.  I still look at him sometimes and think, is he really MY husband.  Oh there are some mean people who know nothing of him or of us that want to see us falter and fail.  That is human nature I guess, it is more exciting to see someone fall than get up with a smile on their face.  I am blabbing on and on - I can go on forever but I will add more later or not who knows why I added this now, oh, I know it is because this blog I write on and love, well some people on it are just so cynical or mean and they love to see people fail or get in trouble I think?  It was bugging me so I just was thinking how lucky I am and how sad these people are that cant be happy for anyone and so must really be sad people, unhappy people that I shouldnt let bother me but that I should pray for them to find happiness and laughter too.