We had some new original merch arrive last week. I think they'll be popular additions to our current wares. I've been pretty candid about my concern for our choice to distribute vinyl records as opposed to CDs. It'll be a little while before we figure out if that effort was pure genious or just a plain ol' bust. That being said, I thought you guys might want to hear about some of our less than successful merchandising ideas. Here are the top 10 worst:
10) Suppressors DNA Swabs. At first this seemed like a good idea so you can always keep track of where the Suppressors have been. The result, however, was a bitter lawsuit against our bass player brought on by the Fresno Unified School District.
9) Suppressors Low-fat Milk Products. This was destined to be a hit until our Chinese supplier gave us the heads-up... "don't drink the milk, its spoiled... pass it on".
8) Suppressors Adult Diapers. These never really made it to the merch table but they've been very handy when playing an extended set.
7) Suppressors Home Breathalizer Kits. Again, we had the best intentions here but when fans started using them and realized they were way to drunk to drive, attendance at our shows dropped like a homecoming queen's panties on prom night.
6) Suppressors 'Get Out of Jail Free' Cards. We've had nothing but resistance from the local correctional officers trying to get those guys to honor them. Apparantly, laminating them doesn't make them any more effective... or valid.
5) Suppressors Switchblades. Who knew these were illegal??
4) Suppressors-scented Laundry Detergent. Apparantly,smelling like Fresno's hardest working ska band isn't very desireable.
3) Suppressors Skin Flutes. We had some packaging setbacks here. This is still in the works, though. Keep an eye out for an early release.
2) Suppressors Radishes. This was a bad idea on so many levels. I guess there aren't a lot of people who would buy radishes from a band... plus they were very problematic to print on. This one was just poorly thought out.
1) Suppressors Home Pregnancy Tests. This was the single-most disasterous marketing product we've ever concieved. What started out as a seemingly innocent notion has since cost Omari Jones thousands in child support and paternity suits. Big mistake. These are no longer available.... sorry, sometimes its better not to know.