About one year ago, during a stressful period of my life ( Leaving the Monkey Pub, moving, breaking up, eloping the Vegas you know, normal stressful stuff) . I developed a tiny bumpy rash on my hand. I thought very little of this rash, as it was accompanied with dandruff, hair loss and weight gain. The hair loss and dandruff went away in about three months, but what a comical time! Imagine leaving the shower holding clumps of your hair. Ha ha.

I called the hand rash my stigmata. It was itchy, but manageable. I saw my Naturopath, she told my to take the Omega 3s. Ok, still really didnt help. It waxed and waned, growing and shrinking in size as the months flew off the calendar. Then, at my previously posted doctors appointment, I haphazardly mention "oh, whadda bout this?". The doctor took one look and said "you have a fungal infection". Yuck. In my hand? She said just go get some vaginal yeast infection cream and rub it into your hand for a week, it will go away. She also didn't do any blood work because her office forgot to tell me to fast before the appointment, oopsy. So, I tried the vagina cream. Nothing happened. Except my having to explain to people who used my bathroom, that the cream sitting out wasnt for my hoo-hoo. And the waking up in the morning in pain because I had been scratching my hand in my sleep.

Two more weeks of the weather getting warmer and my hand getting itchy. I went to the pharmacy and told them my story. The pharmacist said "You know Lotrimin for feet fungus is stronger". Ok, then. Ill try that. Four days later I woke up with a bleeding seeping swollen left hand. At this point the pain in my hand had peaked. I couldnt make a fist, I had to remove my wedding ring. I spent a day on the phone with health care people who told me I would have to wait until the end of September before a dermatologist could see me.

So I cried, on the phone with a stranger, I cried to get her to help me first. I couldnt use my hand at work. I hid it behind my back the first night and wrapped it in gaze the second. I had to ask my co-worker to make the muddled drinks, I was half a bartender. It was sad.

Blaine drives me to urgent care early on Saturday, we had to cancel all our weekend plans and make my yuck hand the priority.

I searched the internet with my symptoms trying to get an idea of what I picked up. This led my mind to racing that I had contracted a wide range of diseases mostly centralized to third world countries. In my head, I was dying. My friend Wynn talked me off the ledge. Thank you, Wynn.

The check-in nurse at urgent care saw my hand and asked, "Honey, what did you do to yourself? Is that a burn?" Which turned on my waterworks, yet again.

As it turns out, I had eczema. Two day of rubbing in steroid cream and its gone. The point is, doctors are stupid.

I bounced around the health care system needing help. No, Omega 3s don't help. No, vagina cream doesn't help. And please, for god's sake, don't rub foot cream onto your hand. Thank you to the nurse who saw me and prescribed the cream. She also told me the doctor could have easily checked to see if it was fungal at my first appointment. But, why check? Right? Its only my life she's playing with.

Apparently extra years spent in medical school will only make you dumber. And crying gets people to take you seriously.