 |
Current mood:  angry
I am still so mad at you and I don't know why. If I hear your name or see your picture my blood starts to boil. It has been years and I still react this way. Why? Today I was sorting through some old stuff and I came across an old birthday card from you and all the anger came rushing back. I couldn't stop it, and I tried. The funniest thing is that the lately I've been happier than ever. I even been smiling, which is something you very rarely made me do. Then why is it that if I think about you I want to scream? I literally get the urge to call you up and tell you how very much I never want to hear from you again. I think sometimes I am afraid that I will hear from you someday and I won't know what to do. I'll just stand there dumbstruck and let you weasel your way back into my life like you always seem to do. I guess by most people's standards you weren't nearly the worst of culprits on my short list of relationships. You didn't drive me to madness when I was still a kid and undercut my sense of self, nor did you sleep with my friends and every other female within a hundred mile radius. But yet it is you that I hold such ferocity towards. It is for you that my rage burns and teeth clench. You were the worst to me. You were the one who had my trust. You were the one I believed when you said you would love me forever and never leave me cold and all alone. You were the one who reneged on your promise, twice. And you are a big part of the reason I am like this. I am happy and terrified at the same time. I want to run as fast as I can in the other direction from something good because I am scared that he will do the same thing as you. You killed my ability to trust and I hate you for it. You of all people who always tried to coax me out from behind my wall. Others may have started it, but you fucking cemented me in. I'm tired of being angry. I'm tired of being sad. I'm tired of being so guarded that I can't see straight. I know that it's not you. I know that it's me. I'm just saying that I don't want to be like this anymore.
9:35 AM
Powered by  | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|