From my friend Cadie:
HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT
If you read it all it will become clear that this student
has everything all figured out.
The following is an actual question given on a University
of Washington chemistry mid term.
The answer by one student was so "profound" that the
professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet,
which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of
enjoying it as well :
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or
endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using
Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is
compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in
time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving
into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think
that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it
will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how
many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member
of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more
than one of these religions and since people do not belong
to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go
to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can
expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the
volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for
the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the
volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are
added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at
which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure
in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase
of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will
drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my
Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I
sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I
slept with her last night, then number two must be true,
and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already
frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since
Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting
any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only
Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being
which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my
God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.