 |
Current mood:  blank
Hello friends. It has been one of those days, truly. I am sure you know what I am talking about. Actually it has been three of those days in a row and if I could rewind to Thursday afternoon, I would give a whole lot. In the bigger picture, my roller coaster started about 15 months ago and even though I have some wonderful memories scattered throughout that period of time, I have also dealt with some of the hardest things I have ever faced.
My fiance and I ended our relationship yesterday morning. To be more clear, I ended our relationship yesterday morning and had him evicted. He let me down for the last time and I realized I had enough and I also realized that I had a trace of strength left to put an end to it.
This is harder than I expected it to be. Having police officers march through my home to remove someone I have devoted my life and love to is more than my heart was ready for. I won't say that I don't love him anymore and I know that, in his own way, he loves me too. He is a good, big-hearted person and would do anything he could to assist or please someone he cares about. He treated me well most of the time and loved me more than any man had ever before.
You may ask why I would give all that up and it really isn't simple but I will tell you now, in the chance that there is someone else out there who is dealing with the same issue. My fiance, for the last 20+ years, has had an addiction to crack cocaine. When we met , nearly a year and a half ago, he was on the verge of dying from his addiction. He wasn't eating, barely slept and had almost given up. As our friendship and then love grew, he gradually weaned his way nearly to recovery and relapsed less frequently. He regained his health, succeeded in putting on weight, and decided to try to put the drugs use behind him, I had great hopes that he would succeed in his desire to get clean. I looked forward to a future with this man.
Two nights ago, he returned home late, after I had fallen asleep, and stole my wallet with my debit card. He proceeded to clean out my bank account in order to pay for his crack habit. I didn't know until it was too late. It had been almost 6 months since he had last used crack. This was not the first time he has taken money from me but it will be the last.
My friends. Turning my back on my man at a point in his life when he could possibly and finally recover or return to a life filled with drugs was not an easy thing to do. So many good people succumb to this deadly addiction, many of whom NEVER recover and eventually overdose or get killed by some crack dealer. Every dime a crack addict can get their hands on will go to their drug needs and they will lose friends, family, jobs, homes, possessions, and their lives without thinking twice about it. They will steal, pawn, lie and cheat to get money from whoever they possibly can. This addiction will turn the greatest person you ever knew into a paranoid, drugged-out, homeless addict, many times after just one use. Allowing a person with this addiction to continue to play a vital part in your life is enabling them and only allowing them to take you down the addiction road with them. Recovery, especially on one's own, is next to impossible. Crack not only ruins the lives of its' users but will also affect any person who allows its users into their lives.
I am telling you all this very personal story because the pain that crack leaves in its wake is more than I can bear. I am sure that there are those of you out there who have been affected in some way by this drug, whether it be from a friend's use , a family member or a friend of a friend. A broken heart is hard to manage for sure but the crack addiction is far more worse. I went to see him tonight because he neglected to take any blankets with him and some other personal belongings. He has nowhere to go and is sleeping in his car tonight. We cried together and I told him that I loved him and wished him well. I suggested, perhaps unwisely, that someday maybe we could have that dream house and wonderful future together. I WILL NOT give up on him completely. My heart won't let me. I haven't even figured out how I am going to sleep tonight without him beside me. Eating is next to impossible as well. I can't imagine my life and future without him in it.
I am begging all of you, if you know someone who is struggling with this addiction or any other, please, PLEASE!!! encourage them to receive help before it is too late. Our friends and loved ones can't do it alone. Crack addiction is one of the worst and most tramatic sicknesses ever to afflict a person. All hope is lost only if we give up on it. This nightmare is so unreal. My heart keeps waiting for him to walk through the door. My mind knows he is gone. I miss him terribly. No one should ever have to give up on love to survive.
1:56 AM
Powered by  | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|