1. Seek friendship first in a relationship.

Next to both of your relationships with God, seek friendship with your significant other first, before romantic love. It
shouldn't be about how good he or she is in bed, but rather about the presence of true intimacy, or, "into-me-see." Instead of allowing the other person to see your latest underwear, let him or her see your heart by engaging in open and honest dialogue, spending quality time together, edifying and encouraging one another, learning about one
another's dreams and goals, and helping one another
achieve the plan that God has for each of your lives. I
know it sounds like a fairy tale, but it can be true. More importantly, you have to believe that it can be true for you.  Friendship should be the foundation of your relationship, before and after marriage. Your mate should be your best
friend.

2. Don't ignore red flags.

Just about every divorced Christian woman I have talked to in my travels have said that they knew, before they married the person, that he wasn't the one for them.
Whether or not they had a gut feeling about it a few
months before the wedding, or days before, they lacked
peace in their spirit about their upcoming marital vows and ignored the inward warning from the Holy Ghost.  Don't ignore the red flags. If he hits you before you get married, he'll hit you after you get married. If she curses
you out before you get married, get ready to stay on top of the roof after you get married.

3. Know that love is a choice and not just an emotion.

So many people confuse romantic love with real love, which is actually agape love - the kind of love that God has for us. God deposits agape love into us once we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior. Agape love is unconditional love which doesn't change like the weather.
Don't think that just because you get butterflies in your
stomach every time you see a person that that's true love.  The same person you "fall in love with" because they bring you flowers every week could become the same person you can't stand because he forgets your birthday, and if that's the case then that wasn't true love in the first place. At the end of the day, after he or she may have gotten on your nerves a million times, true love still says,
"I love you." Not "I love you if..." but "I love you" - period.

4. Guard your heart.

Proverbs 4:23 says, Keep thy heart with all diligence;
for out of it are the issues of life. The word, "keep," in this
passage of Scripture actually means, "guard" or
"watch over" so this Scripture could read, "Guard our heart
with all diligence," or "Watch over your heart with all diligence." Note here whose responsibility it is that your heart be guarded; it's not the other person's responsibility , but yours, because the subject, "you" is implied. So you may
be going out with brotha Jerome and brotha Jerome has told you that he's not lookin' for a relationship with anyone but you still want to "hang out," and hanging out every few
weeks turns into hanging out every weekend and now you start developing real feelings for the brotha. You can tell yourself all you want that nothing's there and you're not attracted to him, but deep down in your heart, the more you spend time with him, and the more you hear this man's voice on the phone, the more you start to really like him. You could be falling for him big time, while at the same time he could view you as a little sister. So you have
the responsibility to guard or watch over your heart with all diligence so your heart doesn't "take you there" emotionally - to a destination ending in no where.
Situations like this only end up in one person getting his
or her feelings hurt, because he or she chose not to
guard his heart.

5. Follow peace, not drama.

If your relationship right now is seemingly putting out fires every week, or every other day, consider that a red flag.
If you're on the phone talking to your girlfriend about the latest drama between you and your boo, know that that's
not cute. Also, it doesn't make you look good because you're the one yapping about the person you chose to spend your quality time with. As believers, we are to follow
peace. God is the author of peace; satan is the author of
confusion, strife, and every evil work. Satan is the author of "drama" and every "hell date." I'm not saying that relationships will not, at certain times, have their own storms to weather every once in a while - but come on, every week? That's not God's perfect will and that's not godly.

6. Don't compare yourself to others.

Don't look at other people, whether they are younger than you, divorced and remarried, or widowed and remarried and say, "These folks out here getting married two and three times, can I just get married once, Lord?" or, "She's like 21 and she's getting married and here I am 45 still waiting to get married for the first time - what's up with that?" Each
person is unique, and God has given each one of us our very own race to run. Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us, To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven. God will send you the mate that He has for you in your season, until this happens use this season to become a better you physically, spiritually, socially,
financially, and emotionally. Allow God to develop and
mature you so that when the mate that God has for you
presents himself, you can be ready.

7. Rejoice with other married believers.

Romans 12:15 says "Rejoice with them that rejoice..."
Instead of hating on your brother or sister in Christ for finding their good thing and getting married, love on them and be sincerely happy for them. Rejoicing with others as they get married is actually sowing seed into your future wedding, and you reap what you sow. Smiling in their face and secretly being puffed up proclaiming, "What does she have that I don't have?" isn't becoming to you and isn't pleasing to God, and it also could stop His hand on your life and slow up the manifestation of
your blessing.

8. Realize that this season of singleness is a gift
from God and not a curse.

Contrary to popular belief, your season of singleness right now is a gift from God. The Apostle Paul mentions in
1 Corinthians Chapter 7 how being single is a gift because it allows you to serve God exclusively without any distractions, and it is a time in your life where you can grow
in your relationship with God, be accountable only to
Him, and learn to lean on and trust in Him.
1 Cor. 7:32-33 talks about how as a single, your main
concern is pleasing God with your life and serving Him, whereas once you marry your main concern is to please your spouse, and in pleasing your spouse God is pleased. Once you become married it's not all about you, but about
how you can please that other person. 

you're in a relationship you're supposed to be happy, but it should be an added joy and not the main source of your joy.
Your main joy should be in Jesus and the relationship that you have with Him - the relationship with Him that says, "I will never leave you nor forsake you," and, "I will supply all your needs," and, "while you were yet a sinner, I still
introduced my love to you and died for you because I love you." That should be the joy that sustains, not that which comes
from a fallible man or woman - an earthly being who has the capacity to upset or disappoint you. It would be unfair to
expect another person's job description be to make you
happy all the time. Besides, a healthy relationship is about give and take, not just take, take, take, take, take!

10. Don't settle.

Ladies, don't believe the statistics and the media when they say that most men are in jail, married, or gay. Sure there are more women to one man, but you only need one. You don't have to share men or settle for a man who is an alcoholic or abusive towards you mentally or
physically because you feel this man is the best you can
do. Consider our Father in heaven, Daddy God, and
how He treats you, and speaks to you, and provides for you. God wants you to have His best, but first He wants you to become the best by getting to know His authority and character more by reading His Word more often.
God's Word is God's Love Letter to you. The more you read it, the more you become like Him, and the more you realize that you are wonderfully and fearfully made
and should not have to settle for less than God's best for you. You will realize that you are a precious gem to
be found and that good things come to those who wait. So stay focused, remain stedfast and unmoveable, be patient, and don't settle for less. Like the saying goes, "I can do bad all by myself." 

 

 

Much love in Christ,