I feel like I'm coming to a major crossroads in my life. I've always been a bit of a procrastinator...a major procrastinator. But things catch up to you, and eventually you have to make decisions. Maybe we are forced to. Some of us have to be forced to. We learn the hard the way. We're stubborn, rebellious, unwilling to change, clinging to things that keep letting us down..I'm speaking mostly about myself, but I'm sure there are some of you that feel the same way.
The hardest thing to let go of in life is the wanting to control our own lives. It's been the hardest thing for me I think. It's silly because I really have no control over what's going on.
I think I lost my Ipod, and I'm not even worried about it. It's been about a week, but I'm starting to think about it a little more. haha. I mean I realize it's one of the unnecessary niceities (new word, look for it in 2010 version of Webster's dictionary!) about all the technology we have. I don't need it, but the Ipod is an incredible invention. Plus I paid 100 bucks for it! It was actually 150, but I got a 50 dollar Meijer's card for buying it at Meijers on Thanksgiving...so I got a pretty good deal on it.
I do still have Itunes though...currently playing on my computer "It's About Time" by Barcelona
I've been wanting to talk or write about Michael Jackson for awhile, but I've tried to just keep quiet about it and try to digest it all. I can't seem to wrap my mind around it all, but here are a few thoughts that keep running through my mind.
-A man that became close to Jackson for a few years said that people aren't even mourning a person, a human being....they are mourning an icon. I thought that was a very interesting and true statement.
It seems that few people really knew Michael Jackson. The more I read about Jackson the more I feel sorry for him, and the more I question what people in general value.
I thought the memorial service was just kind of ridiculous overall, but there were a few touching moments I caught. When Brooke Shields was talking about Jackson, and when Magic Johnson told a funny story about the two hanging out...
Most of the service seemed intent on justifying Michael Jackson's career, defending the accusations against him, talking about race (Al Sharpton is ridiculous), etc...
But Shields and Johnson showed that Jackson was just a normal man underneath the surface of being the "greatest entertainer ever" and all the other titles that were given to Jackson.
I guess in the end it all makes me wonder...Michael Jackson had everything...money, fame, women if he wanted them, adoring fans. But by many accounts he was a "tortured soul"...his life was out of control...he spent money like no other.
It doesn't add up. I feel sorry for Michael Jackson, because it sounds like he had no peace. I feel like his death could point the finger towards us as a society and individuals. I don't know if he became a Christian at some point, but I can't help but think of the verse in the bible "what does it profit a man if he gains the world but loses his soul?"
Some people defend Michael Jackson no matter what. We don't care about the accusations against him...we care that he entertained us, that he made great music, that he was on the cutting edge.
I think people are trying to separate his music and lifestyle from his personal struggles...but that may be exactly where the biggest questions need to be asked.
Maybe I'm overanalyzing it all. I tend to do that with music especially. But maybe it was the fame, the sometimes vulgar music, the excessive style , that led to his personal downfall and alienation from most of society in the last several years of his life.
I know what it means to idolize or worship people, sports, musicians, etc...you see the Staples Center filled with thousands of people who didn't know Jackson personally at all...you see thousands around the world pausing to watch his memorial...the 24 hour news coverage of his death.
It just raises a lot of questions about what humanity values, and what is truly to be valued. I know there are things I put way too much value on in life such as Sports.
We worship icons, images, ideas I believe more then the people behind them. I think deep down we know the people are no different then us, and just as messed up as us if not more messed up.
We worshipped Michael Jackson like few others in our era...we put him on a pedestal. Beneath the surface he was like us, wanting the approval of his dad, wanting to be accepted, wanting to be loved, and felt that keeping up his image and entertaining like no other would fill some of those voids we all have.
I was going to talk about ladies and other musical things too...but maybe I'll write another blog. This was super long. If you read all of this, then you deserve an Ice Cream cone, with a scoop of Strawberry and Chcocolate of course...my favorites.
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