Breakup Blues

I was cleaning out an old briefcase when I came across pictures of an ex-girlfriend. That breakup was an awful one and took me about four years to recover. No one had ever given me a guideline on how to get over someone and get back to life. We were told to just “get over it.” But it is not that easy. So I thought I’d write you some thoughts on how to survive a horrible breakup and share them with you.

BETTER DAYS ARE AHEAD. I know it is tough to see this now but you have actually been burdened in your relationship. It has held you back. Once you get six months out from it then you will see that it was filled with flaws. I remember old my girlfriend getting mad that I refused to walk out of a movie because she hated it. I let her leave but refused to walk out because I was enjoying this Martin Scorsese flick. That movie would end up influencing me to start writing movies and be in the movie business. How many of us weren’t so lucky and left?

BONDS ARE BROKEN. Someone who hurts you like that is no longer your friend. There will be a “want” to crutch off them. The hope that if you stay close that the relationship will magically come back together. It won’t. Going back to your ex for emotional support also prevents you from recovering from the breakup and learning to be yourself again.

FELL THE CHANGE. I suggest you go out and get a new hair cut. Change your style. This serves multiple purposes. It lets you physically feel that your life is no longer the same. It will bring your co-workers and friends to ask, “New hair cut?” This allows you to say “It’s my living the single life haircut”. It becomes a positive way to say you are available. Also gives everyone a chance to give you a compliment or two.

USE YOUR FRIENDS. The temptation is to go right out with your “party friends” and drink away the blues. All this will do is exaggerate the pain or delay the healing. Everyone has a buddy who they can talk to about anything in the world. Instead of the party route call your conversation buddy and set up a day to talk over coffee or beers. The conversation will not be about your ex and this is not a venting session…but should be about worldly topics. It will remind you how important your opinion is.

OUT WITH THE OLD. All MySpace and Facebook photos that include your ex should be deleted. All photos (that include your ex) in the house must be boxed up and put away. Anything that holds special meaning and connection to your ex should go in the storage box too. Tape it and put it deep in the closet or attic. The most important thing is to show your brain (through actions) that it is time to move forward.

CELL CALLS. Go to your ex’s cell number and change his name to “DO NOT ANSWER”. Your ex knows your weaknesses and may play them for a booty call or for some free emotional venting. All messages get immediately erased...don’t listen to them! Any important info will get to you through other sources. Each message contains a punch to your ego. Remember that when you hit delete. Same goes for emails.

THE BODY NEEDS IT. Breakups aren’t just bad on the soul…they are tough on the body. It’s time for you to hit the gym, join a karate class, or a Breezy Osborne yoga class. Maybe you are like me and you hate structured exercise classes then you need to schedule some weeknight tennis matches. Worst case you should go every day after work and walk a couple laps around the local high school track. This allows your body to knock off some of the stress. It will also clear your head. After a couple laps around the track your brain will less likely grab the Ben & Jerry’s as a crutch when you get home. It is simple but it works!

HOBBY OR CLUB. Your mind is flying a million miles an hour. You feel like just lying in bed and not moving. The brain really wants you to get going so it has something to work on. I suggest join a club or starting a new hobby. This puts that energy to work and increases your personal value.

ITUNES AND DVDS. If the night gets rough pull up your iTunes. Don’t listen to any songs that have to do with your ex. Put it on “shuffle mode”. Listen to some of the old songs you haven’t listen to in a long time or songs you enjoyed as a kid. Music has a way of connecting us to our past. You will find some beautiful memories in all that digital data. I bet you sleep with a smile on your face.

TIME IS ON YOUR SIDE. You are still beautiful, talented, and fun. This one loss will not make you a widow or bachelor for life. Love is out there. It won’t find you until you get your feet back under you. So don’t rush back into the market and try to find a rebound love. The bad people of the world can smell desperation. It will only wound you deeper.

LOOK INSIDE. It’s a good time to clean you internal closet. Pain also brings out a need for mercy and kindness in the world. Take this time to end some old squabbles you have been having. Erase some grudges with a quick email or two. You have so much new heartache do you really need the old ones?

OPPORTUNITY. The closing of one chapter is always the opening of a new one. Starting making a list of places you want to go, things you want to try, and products you miss (for me that it’s Cream Soda…why don’t I ever buy it?) While you may not be able to go to Paris or Rome today you may in the near future. Start researching them and getting all the details. Once you see what it takes to get somewhere only then can God bless you with it. You can even set up a savings account to start saving for it. You’ll be surprised how people help you obtain your goals and dreams.

THE WORLD. The last thing is to give back to the world. You don’t know your true value in life until you have reached a hand towards desperate eyes. Even if you do one night a week helping out a local charity…it will pay you back a million times emotionally. The ‘less cool’ the charity the better. Grab a phonebook or go online and call the least appealing charity because they are the one who needs you most.

Have faith. God will bring you love if you set yourself up for it. If you hide and punish yourself nothing good can come to you. There is sun behind those clouds. Don’t wait four years to see it. Go out and live!

Faith, Hope, and Charity,

JWT!