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Category: Sports
Of course we at WANZIE.com World Headquarters, strategically located in sports conscious Melbourne, Florida, have long been aware there is a gay softball league in Central Florida, but who knew how big it is and how involved it gets right on up to a faggot-ized and lesbian-ized World Series, with literally hundreds of top-ranked teams coming together over several days of ball playing?
Locally, 33, count 'em: 33 teams (23 men’s open co-ed and 10 all-women’s teams) comprise the Central Florida Softball League, with 14 to 17 players on each team. (Apparently the women’s division does not allow men on their teams but the men welcome  women players, for what are, unfortunately, probably obvious and stereotypical reasons.) Each of the 30 teams will play 14 games to determine the six division winners that will go on to the World Series as members of NAGAAA – North American Gay & Lesbian Amateur Athletic Association! Again, who knew?
The men’s open teams World Series will be held over labor day weekend in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, where 150 teams will compete for the top honor with more than 4,5000 event participants and attendees expected. Orlando League President Anthony Andreala says “Most people know the league exists, but when you start talking numbers they are always like 'Holy Shit!'" An additional 75-100 women’s division teams will compete in their own World Series.
CFSL OPENING DAY TAILGATE PARTY
Opening day for the 2009 season is set for Sunday, March 1st, at the Fairview Fields located at the corner of Orange Blossom Trail and Lee Road across from what used to be Ben White Raceway.
The festivities will kick off (are we allowed to say “kick off” when discussing softball?) with the first pitch – a ceremonial stunt of sorts: apparently one Orlando’s lesbian politicos, whom we would rather not mention, will throw a ball to Miss Sammy at precisely 10:45 AM. Whether or not Miss Sammy will actually catch it remains to be seen!
We at the WANZeGRAM will not be held responsible if:
1. Miss Sammy is an hour late.
2. Miss Sammy shows up in the same clothes which she wore to bed the night prior.
3. Miss Sammy shows up drunk.
Or all of the above.
After that momentous stunt we assume they begin playing softball. President Andreala invites “... anyone and everyone to come out on opening day or any game day. It’s always free to attend.” He continued “I guarantee attending our games offers rich entertainment value, as you can well imagine.”
But the really big event of opening day is not the 16-20 individual games that will take played on four diamonds – it’s the tailgate party competition!
Each team or group of teams will set up a themed-display for their version of a tailgate party. Apparently the competition is fierce and people have been known to set up tents and canopies and pull up with fully decked-out mobile homes, with gas grills and candelabras and hanging plants!
Each tailgate party will have a jar in which patrons are encouraged to drop a dollar. Each dollar counts as a vote for the best of show award. Half the money in each jar goes to the team whose jar the money came from and the other half goes into a kitty for the end of season banquet. The dollars count as part of the total score which will be considered by the tailgate party judges – the afore alluded to city commish who lives to find fault with WANZIE and the ever-sports-anxious Miss Sammy.
We can only hope the skill level of some of the players is as notable as some of the team names. Monikers include BROADWAY CRUSH, FASHION VICTIMS, MUFF 'N STUFF, POOKIES PIXIES, DESIGNATED DRINKERS and DR. COE’S TOOTH FAIRIES, just to name a few.
Apparently outfitting the teams is one thing, but then there is a cost-per-game that must be paid to the city, along with the premium on a city-mandated insurance policy. Then, there is pre-requisite equipment that must be purchased, and dues to be paid to NAGAAA, travel expenses, and trophies to buy and what have you.
So the local league is seeking business or individual sponsorships.
Sponsorship perks range from banner advertising at the fields to company name as part of a team’s name; from website recognition to tables at the Seasonal Banquet etc. Of course, it’s mostly a philanthropic donation to help little kids who were often not picked to play baseball, play baseball as adults. (That’s probably not the league’s official stance on the state of the whole affair, but it is how certain writers here at the WANZeGRAM imagine the case to be.) We feel certain there are some excellent lesbian players.
WANZeGRAM subscriber Philip Johnson is team manager of THE LEFT OVERS. THE LEFT OVERS are so named because on try out day they were the players none of the existing teams elected to draft, and thus the worst of the worst were left alone, unpicked, to become their very own team.
We at the WANZeGRAM ask – What’s wrong with you people? Didn’t you suffer enough humiliation when that happened to you in gym class? Johnson responds, “We’re facing our biggest fears. We even have a kid on our team from Singapore who’s never played baseball in his life. At the last practice I yelled to him to 'get under it, get under it!' as he ran to catch a fly ball that was clearly all his. He planted his feet, reached up with determination, and the ball fell out of sky right down on the center of his head.”
Now you know the skinny.
So, if someone connected with the league contacts you for a contribution or sponsorship, you’ll know what he or she are on about.
If you would like to sponsor a team, or simply become a booster, please contact team manager Philip Johnson, who also serves on the 2009 fund raising committee or contact your nearest friendly neighborhood gay or lesbian ballplayer.
Orlando Softball League Opening Day
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Opening Pitch 10:45 AM
Fairview Fields
Lee Road at Orange Blossom Trail
Orlando, Florida
For further information on the
Central Florida Softball League point your browser to
www.CFSLeague.org
7:08 PM
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