My Fuck Monkey Brethren,

Once again thank you to those who attended the last gig at the Magnetic Field. I think I can dare to say you got your money's worth. For those who were not in attendance, let me re-cap: The show was going well, comedy, music, comedy, more music. Laughs were laughed, toes were tapped. All was well, except for the fact that my microphone was continuously being cut off. A technical difficulty I thought. But then at the end of the show, when I was about to announce the final comedian, my microphone was shut off again, this time for good. Perhaps not a technical difficulty I thought.

Being that I like to respond to passive aggressors with more aggressive aggression, and being that I love the Who and Nirvana, I decided it would be a good time to begin kicking mic stands over. This did not please the management. Two rotten scoundrels rushed the stage, tackled, and choked me off the stage, screaming and yelling at me as the crowd looked on in bewildered amusement.  "YOU MOTHERFUCKER! ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY!? YOU'RE NOT FUNNY! YOU FUCKING SUCK! FUCK YOU!".   Now I might be crazy, but being told I'm "not funny" by two mongoloid hipsters with no creative successes under their belt might be the funniest thing I ever heard. 

And to think they billed this show as "Freshly banned from Pianos..." Life sometimes just hands you a golden turd of irony don't it?! You fuckers just love the rock and roll rebel image until it actually manifests itself in some sort of action.   Hi, we're Magnetic Field, we're a cool bar! We're just so fuckin dangerous! Iggy fuckin Pop and GG Allin combined couldn't handle how cah-razee we are here! Look at us! We have a show that includes performers that were banned! Now we're gonna gang tackle one of em' on stage and ban him ourselves for dropping a fuckin mic softer than a toddler falling off his Big Wheel! Plus these people have the gall to use Hunter S Thompson as their mascot.  I guess it is some sort of Bizarro Thompson they have created.  "When the going gets weird the weird get gang tackled on stage."  You hypocritical shameless suckers of Satan's cock! Please let Hunter rest in peace and set his spirit free by never using his image to promote your lame asses again.

Now, I understand protecting one's equipment, but that shit was in no danger.  If I wanted to break equipment, there would be sparking and shattering occurring. That was not my intention. My intention was to end the show with some manic energy Bring back an era when the line between joke and reality was a bit blurred, and when the unexpected in a live show consisted of more than a special appearance by Todd Barry or Demetri Martin. However it is becoming clearer to me now most venues have fully, utterly, and completely become sackless. I am a man of peace, and have no intention of destroying anyone's venue. All I want to do is put on an dynamic show with a pleasantly out of control feel. That's what I'd want to see in a live show, and as the good lord said "Perform to others as you would have them perform to you."

So it was written, so it was done, so it shall be done again. God is on our side or at least in our twisted minds.

So to my lost venues Pianos and Magnetic Field as Beethoven once said right before he kicked it, "Friends applaud, the comedy is over." , and oh yeah, I'll see ya at the finish line fuckers.


matt