Johnathon,

No one ever really shows there true feelings about everything.  There is always apart of you that holds secrets thoughts and dreams.  As you get older though you will learn how to share them and with who.  You have been through hell and back again and when you have been victimized by somebody whether it's somebody at work or someone close to you, it makes you want to cry and you need to cry if you can.  wanting to be with people but then not wanting to when you get there is more about just knowing there is someone in the house that cares about you or just having someone there even if you don't fell like talking.  I don't always feel like being around people but I feel more secure knowing there in the house. It's kind of like having your mom watching over you, like when you were little. When you are greiving you will feel angry at times and confused or even crazy. But you will be alright in time just be kind to yourself.  The grieving process can take from one to five years to complete and the first six weeks are the hardest. But just hang in there and keep asking the Holy Spirit to help you.  Trust me, I've been through it too many times.  There is more I can explain if you would like to talk. Just let me know.  I miss spending time with you so maybe we can get together and do something. Just mom and son thing.
With much love,
MOM