DEAR SINGING LADY,
I'm an attractive, 25 year old singer who moved to New York City three years ago to pursue a career in jazz vocal performance.
I worked hard in Montgomery, AL to prepare myself mentally and artistically for the challenge and have a college degree to back it up. I've won awards for my performance talents and get many great local reviews.
HOWEVER, after being in the big city for a while, I've found it MUCH more difficult than I'd hoped! It seems that no matter HOW much I focus, or prepare for a show, it seems there is always another singer who get's more attention, or packs the venue with more fans, or is more attractive...blahblahblah...SO SICK OF IT!! I have to sit in the darkness with this sick smile on my face trying to be a "good sport"...inside I'm dying. YES, sometimes I'M the big star of the night, but many times I am NOT. I must add that the musicians seem to like me, which gives me hope.
How can I come to terms with my self loathing and fear when these moments occur? I HAVE to perform with other singers in a night..it's the way these clubs work in this town, so comparisons are inevitable.

Love your blog and thanks!
Jennifer

DEAR JENNIFER,
Pack your bags, break your lease and get on a bus back to Montgomery.
HA!! I'm just kidding you of course, but unfortunately this issue will never go away, I don't care HOW successful you become. It seems absurd, but this is a business of illusion, packaging and personal taste.
Opinions about "who's the best singer" tend to be highly subjective in nature when you get to an accomplished level...Reaction can vary because of the singers stage presence, the material, or sex appeal. Sometimes the audience will respond to belty Gospel bluesy stuff, sometimes the more cerebral singer will rule the night, sometimes it's all about folksy simplicity. Sometimes it's about connections.

It depends on the venue, it depends on mood of the audience, it depends on the fanbase you draw and it depends on how big your breasts are.
:^)
I can only say that in order to survive in an incredibly competitive city, you HAVE to develop survival skills and learn how to play the game. You need to take chances, stick with it and you have to at least appear good natured about it all, because nobody tolerates a crybaby in this scene. It's tough for everyone.

First of all, you must figure out what your "point of view" is musically. I noticed that you are into jazz, so the first step is to forget Diana Krall or any other jazz vocalist flavor of the year.  Who the heck are YOU? This is the most important question you'll ever ask in the music business.  (Outside of: "When do I get paid?")
Audiences support artists they can relate to.  If folks understand WHO you are, you'll draw your own special crowd.

CONFIDENCE is also what separates the "star" from the pack 90% of the time.
The challenge? Many artists aren't particularly confident types no matter how much talent they have, so keep this in mind if you suffer from this malady as you're not alone. Try and work on your presentation.  Act the part and you'll become the part.

Work on YOUR SONG CHOICES and commit to them firmly on a stage no matter what. This is much harder than it sounds, but the only way you'll make any headway as a singer and inspire your band to boldly follow you, is to find your unique storytelling voice.
Convey the stories that you've truly experienced. (For instance, if your childhood home had more than 4 bathrooms and you attended an Ivy League college, I'd avoid pursuing a BESSIE SMITH direction.)

Even IF you make the "right" song choices, you may still fail in the commercial sense some nights to be sure, but how did your set make you feel in the moment?
If it felt THRILLING, then you're on the right track. Keep going to that musical place no matter what anyone says and explore it!

So when you find yourself standing in the shadows on one of those miserable nights, try to use the same mindset that you had in college. Watch. Learn. Keep an open mind and know that you are on a path towards self discovery.
Try not to drink or party too much in the dark moments, keep your head up and remember that you are one brave girl. Not too many singers have the guts to move thousands of miles away from family in order to test their talent in the big arena. This experience will make you more accomplished than you ever dreamed.... however if the situation doesn't improve within a couple years, just pack up your shit and go home. It just ain't worth it.

Take it from me!
I'm THE SINGING LADY