A CHAMPION IS SOMEONE WHO GETS UP EVEN THOUGH THEY CAN'T

Look. If you can't get up, it doesn't mean you're not a champion. Paralympic gold medallists without legs could quite reasonably call themselves champions, being, as they are, the best in the world in their field. I've ignored the more obvious hideous crimes against grammar committed here. 'Can't' is an absolute you fucking idiots.

NOTHING IS MORE PAINFUL THAN REGRET

Treading on a plug. Enough said.

AT 200mph YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS

This one makes logical sense, because if you're doing 200mph then you're breaking the speed limit nearly three times over which makes you a penis, so you shouldn't have any friends. Also, they should add 'driving license for much longer' on the bottom of that. Fun is fun but this is just irresponsible.

PRECIOUS FEW ARE BORN WITH IT. EVEN FEWER KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT.

I presume this refers to a third nipple. I'd love to meet the people who know what to do with it.

THOSE WHO KNOW, CAN'T EXPLAIN. THOSE WHO DON'T CAN'T UNDERSTAND.

I don't understand this slogan at all. Rubbish.

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS UNNECESSARY ROUGHNESS

I have to disagree with this as a rule (which is what it masquerades as). To clarify the meaning, it's saying all roughness is necessary. Punching a crying baby is necessary. Kneecapping an old lady is necessary. I'm not saying these things are always unnecessary, but we need further clarification.

YOU CAN'T HIT WHAT YOU CAN'T SEE

Actually, if you've ever watched blind cricket this one does have some sense. The most torturous spectator sport. If that's not too crass a thing to say.

IT MUST BE HARD LIVING WITHOUT A SPINE

Unless you're a happy worm of course.

LIFE IS A CONTACT SPORT

This is such a bloody minded mediterranean way of going about things. Life should be conducted with as little human contact as possible. I'd steep to the odd handshake so long as it's formal. For fuck's sake, was the Empire for nothing?

WHO NEEDS WINGS TO FLY?

Well, this hardly needs answering. Many birds need wings to fly. In fact all. I'd love to see this T-Shirt on a crumpled corpse under a bridge.