WARNING!

This is quite a long blog, but i refuse to leave good parts out!

Also, to the active imagination, this blog is rated CPU-MA

Well kiddies, it all started out a normal day off work.  I Woke up, scratched my balls, took a piss, and put on a pair of Tripp pants, a black band shirt, and my infamous " Mofugga " name tag.  After Shawn and B.B. showed up, we put the PS2 in the minivan from hell ( Robby painted corpses, cows, and lots of evil eyes all over it ) , and headed to Lake Wales to pick up trav's friend Nick.  On the way, these guys pull up next to us with paper signs saying things like " Going to ozzfest? "  but after a few signs, wrote one that said " You have a very cute smile. "  After 5 seconds of laughing and a couple " them bitches are gay man"  I told Trav to step on it. 

                So, we get there, Trav and Nick get an $8 beer, then we hear what sounded to be a choir.  So, following our ears, we get to Behemoth.  A blood spitting satanic metal band, basically the opposite of a choir.  After them, came on, in my opinion, one of the top 5 bands there, out of all the 17 or so bands, Chthonic.  A Tiawanese black metal band, with, yes, a very very very very attractive female Bassist.  PLUS SHE WAS ASIAN!  Which is like.......................+6 automatic points.  Anyways, after them was In This Moment, which I caught one of their Guitar pics, then was 3 Inches of blood, then Nile.

Now lemme tell you something.  Nile is another of the top 5 bands there, because of their stage presence.  He grabbed the no crowd surfing sign and folded that bitch up like a pretzel, then threw it into the crowd.  We made Michael and Shawn crowd surf, and I mean literally made them.  Then, after Nile, we were all sitting there talking, and B.B.'s little brother Travis says " For a second there, i thought you were gonna make me crowd surf! "  I looked him dead in the eyes and said " Bro, crowd surfing has a wieght limit.  That's why i'm a liftee ."  Then, after many, many, many a fine goth bitches with half their asses dangling out, 2 in particular, came 4 other bands of whom i don't feel like typing out.

Then Devildriver came on, I got in the circle pit, bitches showed some titties, blah blah blah.  Devildriver deserves so much morethan blah blah blah, but 80% of you have stopped reading by now anyways.  Then hatebreed came out, headlining the second stage.  Then Randy from Lamb Of God, came out and sang a song with them.  Then Hatebreed made some more bitches show titties, blah blah blah. 

So, on to the second stage, where about 88% of the people either bood Lordi, or almost fell asleep until their shotgun-like pyrotechnic's went off  every 3 minutes or so.  Then Static-X came on, which was really a good show, but seeing them 300 feet away is a bad show compared to the 5 feet away show that we enjoyed at the House Of Blues.  Sitting down, seeing a few Upskirts, things like that, it was all fantastic. 

Then, possibly the greatest metal band of our time came on.  YES!

LAMB!  OF!  GOD!!!!!!!!!

Then, all hell broke loose!  Bitches started catching the feild on fire, whopping securitys ass when they stomped it out, and not to forget the biggest circle pit in history.  Literally about 60 yards long, and 14 yards wide.  It was more of a late night jog with random people smashing into you every 4 seconds.  Not to mention Lamb Of God sounding bettar than on the CD, which actually, made them feel like the final act.

And OF COURSE!

OZZY OSBOURNE!!!!!!!

Now let me tell you somethin about the almighty ozz-man.  He's not a metal legend " Just Because."  You watch him on stage and see the aged figure of an Idol.  And I don't mean Idol like American Idol, or someone you can look up to, I mean it as in statue of a god-like image kind of Idol.  Being as aged as he is, it makes you feel as if your just as important to metal as the ozz himself.  As old as he is and as many times as he's gotten on the stage, Damnit, he STILL does it!  Not to mention Zakk Wylde laying down licks and 15 minutes solo's, oh yeah, and a nice tittie on the megatron.  I left with a smile, a strong sense of pride in metal and in myself, and most of all, i left smelling like A WHOLE FOOTBALL TEAMS JOCKSTRAPS IN ONE CART!