I still have a problem feeling good about myself when I'm not doing anything. I still tie a lot of my self-esteem up in what I do. I used to be worse at this and was a total workaholic. I am much better at making time for my family, but I still feel the need to be doing something in order to feel that I am worthwhile.
As John Bradshaw says, "In infancy we needed to be secure enough to just be. Most of our wounded inner kids were taught that it was not okay to just be -- that we could matter and have significance only if we were doing something. This led to the loss of our sense of I AMness. Now we need to learn how to do nothing and just be."
I have heard this referred to as feeling like a human doing instead of a human being. I think this is a widespread problem for a majority of adults as well as many abused and neglected children. If you are an adult, there are several things you can do to enjoy your I AMness, as Bradshaw calls it. If you are still a minor child in the custody of abusive and/or neglectful caretakers, there are a few exercises you can try yourself without the need for money or permission. I have detailed ideas for learning how to just BE.
Please check out this page of my Web site to learn more:
Feel what it is like to just BE. Be consciously aware of your unique "I AMness" and your precious being. John Bradshaw recommends using these exercises during certain times of your life. In particular:
* You're in the beginning of a new cycle of your
development or healing process.
* You have to start something new...like a new job,
you've been recently married, etc.
* You have suffered a loss...like losing a job or a
death of a loved one.
* You have a new infant at home -- Our children
can act as powerful triggers to our own abuse-
related emotions and developmental neglect. It is
very important to get our own needs
met...whether they are adult needs or inner child
needs, so that we can be effective, loving
parents.
During this hectic time of year, it can be especially difficult to slow down and just BE. Please try some of these ideas and enjoy the blessing that is YOU!
God bless, love and light during the holidays and always, Hope