I should begin by saying that this blog will be a bit different from the rest. I actually would consider this more of a venting session. I apologize ahead of time.

Okay, so if you are still reading, here is the deal. Is it just me, or does love seriously stink lately? I am so completely exhausted with the guys I seem to meet these days. I honestly think that I have some kind of strange magnetic field around me that seems to pull in all kinds of strange guys. Before I continue any further, please let me say that I am far from "issue-free" myself. There isn't anyone in this world who isn't dealing with something. That's life. My problem lies with the the guys who have either a superiority complex, an inferiority complex, and last but not least.....the stalkers!!!

I am a good person. Ask most people who have met me and they will tell you the same. I do my best to give my all to family and friends. This sometimes blows up in my face. Because of my kind nature, I have been taken advantage of more than once. You might not think that I notice it, but believe me I do. I am just too nice and too much of a jellyfish to tell you no. I am working on it though. Getting back on track, the jellyfish thing, that would explain why I find myself out with these guys. It really comes down to a few simple things with me...

1- Don't act like you are better than me or smarter than me. I can't stand to be around someone who constantly looks down at those around him. Material things mean absolutely nothing to me when it comes to love. The more you brag about the things you have, the less I am listening. I should also warn you, I am not an idiot. Please do not speak down to me. I, in return, will treat you with the same respect.

2 - Flattering is great, but don't spend the night putting yourself down. If I thought that you were stupid and could not carry on an interesting conversation, chances are I would not be out with you (well, then again, I am a jellyfish). I am a firm believer in positive thinking, so turn that frown upside down. There is nothing I love more than a smile.

3- Please do not stalk me. I am really humbled by your affection, but when you call me at work, on my cell, and at home to find out where I am all the time, it creeps me out. It is one thing if I choose to give you those numbers, but quite another when you seem to find them on your own. This is even more true when I have never even officially met you. I am blessed to have some pretty great friends that have my back all the time, so be prepared to deal with them if you decide to go a little crazy and stalk me. I, too, promise not to follow you home after work and hide in your shrubs. That just isn't cool.

The sad thing about all of this is that I have had some really great guys in my life. I just didn't realize what I had until it was gone. Isn't that the way it always works? I have only been in love twice in my life and I still love those two guys very much. One of them is my high school sweetheart. I can only laugh when I hear people say that high school kids couldn't possibly know what love is. I know for a fact that they are wrong. I am 30 years old now and there isn't a day that I don't think about him and all of the crazy things we went through. I could tell him anything. He was probably the closest thing I have ever had to a soul mate. He is still the same great guy today and an amazing father on top of that.  The second guy that won my heart was also a pretty great guy. I never could have guessed how things would have turned out. Sometimes I wish that I had known sooner. Would I have changed anything? I don't know. He helped me push myself to reach the potential that I was capable of. I hope that now I can do the same for him. I am proud of him for showing the world who he really is.

I am writing this blog because I am so tired of waiting. I do believe that God has something amazing in store for me, but as I grow older I become more discouraged. I wish I could go back into the past and know some of the things I know now. I might not have been so quick to take things for granted. But, alas, that ship has sailed. The two guys that I have loved have moved on to bigger and better things. As much as I wish I could make things like they were, those guys will never again feel the same way for me as I do for them. I suppose that I should just feel blessed to be able to share a friendship with the both of them. That is something I hope I never lose.

So, today, love stinks. That could all change in a simple moment that I am anxiously awaiting. I will continue to pray and follow God's will, but for today I am going to ask why and when. There is a line from a Disney song that always gives me hope..."No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dreams that you wish will come true" (A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes). Until then, I will continue to make the most out of single life. Being single really isn't the worst thing in the world. Having your heart broken in two because you love someone who doesn't love you back.........that is the worst feeling in the world.