I’m starting a new psychotherapy and my counselor asked me to imagine a "safe place"—a moment or time in my life when I felt completely safe. I couldn’t because I’ve never felt that secure with anyone. Never.

At first, I may have someone’s acceptance, but eventually they reject me. I have that way with people. I always lose them.

Then the other night I had a dream. Usually I have nightmares, but this was a happy dream.

In it, I was married to a wonderful man. He was in his sixties, tall, thin, and balding with gray hair on the sides. He had beautiful eyes—big, deep, soulful, laughing brown eyes. We were truly enjoying each other's company. When he looked at me I knew I was loved and I felt content. I was safe.

I didn’t feel any of the massive weight of the heavy burdens I carry around every day—the rejection of my entire family, my depression and anxiety, the voices and flashbacks, my constant spinal pain—I wasn’t aware of any of it. These things weren’t even in the back of my mind. They simply weren’t there at all.

Then I awoke.

Filled with disappointment, I thought, "Oh. It was only a dream. This is my real life—a life filled with excruciating emotional and physical pain. A life where everyday I think, ‘This is another day my father doesn’t love me. This is another day my sisters and brothers reject me. This is another day I don't have any grandparents, uncles, aunts, or cousins in my life. This is another day of hurting. This is another day that I am alone.’ "

So I repeat to myself the words of Psalm 27:10--

Even if my father and mother forsake me, the Lord wil take me in...
Even if my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will take me in...

It was a nice dream, though.