7/22/07
BEARDED MEN
"I'd say whatever the population of Jamaica is." – Joe

"Let's make the first Jamaican snow alligator." – Travis

"Yes I know. And last night I slept with you while you were sleeping." – Joe

"Why do we keep interviewing inanimate objects?" – Joe

"I'll give you, like, a hug." – Travis

"I'm really at a point in my life where I don't need a kid." – Travis

"Well golly, I've never seen a tumbleweed with eyes and a mouth before" – Travis

"I just grew legs" – Joe

"Well guess what. You're not going to have a first born." – Hoe

"Oh, the church is thanking us." – Travis


TOTAL BULLSHIT

"Children, science and drugs. Awesome." – Butch

"You could hold both of them in one hand." – Butch

"We're injecting your children with caffeine" – Butch

"Just to give everyone hope, I was born prematurely." – Mike

"It's a girl! Wait, it's a boy! No, it's a girl! And I was like, 'Will you f@$^ quit it??'" – Butch

"She's in her mid fifties…and she's clearly pregnant." – Butch

"If you took a blacklight, that room would be all white." – Dan

"You just gotta pray harder" – Mike

"All the Hooters executive, big surprise, have Hooters girlfriends." – Mike

"It went from corporate meeting to Hot Shots in Burnsville like that." – Butch

"In my mind, that's what a hooker does to you." – Mike
"Hey buddy, feel pretty good, don't you?" – Mike

"Okay. You know you were a mistake, right?" – Butch

"He's starting to hear stories from my friends because he's at that age where they think it's funny." – Butch


SCRAPPY MOOSE
"Son. Let's nip this in the bud. There is no God." – Dutch

"If there was a God, He would let me break up with you." – Sean

"You got a face like a chewed rubber boot…see you the next time Nickelback plays." – Dutch

"Do you understand what my nipples feel like? No." – Sam

"I did! Didn't you feel it? I stabbed your shoulder." – Kelly

"It's not my fault. My mother ate a lot of bees while I was in her womb." – Sam

"We're trying to start a hive!" – Kelly



"My brains are all over the vestibule for God's sake." – John

"Your dog didn't listen to you when you were alive, what makes you think he'll listen to you when you're dead?" – Peter

"I've invited you to a land of no war and no pain." – Peter
"We're going to Canada?" – Dutch

"Can we get pancakes?" – John
"Can we get health insurance?" – Dutch

"They're not gonna move! None of their clothes! They're not gonna move!" – Ellen

"What's up, Wayzata?" – Sean

"Own it! Live it! Love it! Bend over try to lick it!" – Sean

"We had some good times on your lap." – Sam

"Why did momma leave, pop?" – Sam
"Your grades were bad." – Peter


SFU
"You shoved vase into my brain!" – Barry

"AH! AH! AH! AH!" – Taj

"You have the keys on your hip!" – Jason
"I also have honor. We've been over this." – Barry

"Sunlight? That's the number one renewable resource." – Brandon

"There's the batmobile, the bat bike, and those are all bats. Don't touch the bats." – Jason

"Like stuffed animals that are alive and stuffed with organs instead of plush." – Barry

"Butler! Come buttle!" – Barry

"Awight, Dolphin man." – Taj

"Your. Voice. Is. No. Longer. In. Its. Box." – Taj

"Body? It's me! It's voice! How've you been? Open up! Here I come!" – Barry

"I really didn't think that a man would step in it. I thought a bear would." – Taj

"I got speared! In my side! Through organs! That I need!" – Barry



AT THE GREEN MILL
"If you go late enough and know the right people, you get a lot of free pie." – Travis