Dear Blog,
How have you been? its been a while since my last letter and for that I'm sorry. I have just been super busy, you know how hectic my life can get. The reason I'm writing you today though blog is that I'm actually kind of mad at you. I was driving by your house the other day and i noticed that in the drive way there was a brand new hummer. Now I'm your only friend and your whole family lives in Bolivia, so the only explanation as to why that car would be there is that you bought it. How could you do that? What happened to the Blog i used to know? The Blog that loved the environment, the Blog that cared about putting a stop to global warming. its like i don't even know you anymore, But I'm not giving up on you thats for sure. Im going to tell you a story that not many people know, but its one that you need to hear. Its the story of how global warming got started. So pay attention buddy, because this is important.

A long time ago, I'm not sure of the exact date, there was a man name Jared. Jared was a good man, a hard working, honest man. Every morning jared would wake up and walk to work and every night jared would walk straight home to be with his family. He had a beautiful wife, Carol, and two darling children. A boy and a girl, Timothy and Amanda. They were what some might call the perfect family, and jared was the perfect husband and father. In fact almost anyone you would ask would tell you that jared was perfect all around, they would tell you that he had it all. But there was one thing jared didn't have, Jared didn't believe in god. He wasn't raised to, and he just never made the effort in his adult life. To be quite honest jared didn't even see what the big deal was with him not believing, but things would soon change. You see, one day while on his way to work God appeared to Jared. Since jared wasn't a believer he had no idea who this was, so he politely asked
" Excuse me being, who are you and how are you floating in the air like that?" God paused for a second, but soon a big smile spread across his face as he answered.
" Why its me Jared, the one and only God, the G-man." sometimes God refers to himself as the G man in order to make encounters more casual.
" Oh hello God."
"G-man"
" Oh yeah, sorry, hello G-man. What exactly are you doing here?" Jared was confused, Why would God appear to him, this didn't make any sense.
" I just came to talk to you Jared, is that alright."
"well i guess its alright, i don't have to be to work for another ten minutes so i have some time."
"Wonderful! Well i might as well get right to the point, why don't you believe in me jared?"
"Wow God, thats very forward of you."
"I know and I'm sorry, I'm just a curious God."
"well you know what they say God, curiosity killed the cat."
"Curiosity doesn't kill cats jared, the circle of life that i invented kills cats."
"I never thought of it like that, i guess your right."
"No, i am right, Im God."
"Thats true, well in answer to your question i don't really know why i don't believe in you. I have always been sort of a seeing is believing type person and actually the fact that your here now is kind of making me believe."
" Thats great Jared. but its not that easy, i cant just show myself to you so that you will able to believe in me. That would contradict the whole concept of faith. Im going to have to test you and make sure that your faith is strong. Is that ok?"
"Sure, i don't really see how that would be a problem. Test away God" Jared accepted God's offer having no idea what would be in store for him in the day to come.
"Alright jared thats great! i have to go now but ill start testing you real soon so be prepared. Oh, and i almost forgot, what religion would you like to be? now that you believe in me you need one."
"Oh wow, thats a tough one. I dunno, what's your favorite?"
" Personally I'm a fan of the jews."
"Well ok the, jew it is!"
"Great! Ill see you later jared, you take care."
"Ok God, i will. you too. bye!" Jared stood there waving as God disappeared up towards the heavens. Although he didn't really know what to expect, Jared was excited. A feeling was taking over his body, it was one he had never felt before but he liked it, It felt like a new beginning. He took one more moment to soak everything in then began heading to work once more. He walked for about five minutes before he arrived at a road that he would need to cross in order to get to work. He looked both ways to make sure it was clear then took a step forward. He tripped. He fell forward right into the path of an on coming truck. It hit him hard sending him a good ten feet in the air. He landed with a loud thud. laying there on the hot asphalt jared struggled to roll onto his back, once he made it he stared up at the sky.
"God!" he called out. " God! Its me Jared!" this time God did not appear, instead his voiced boomed down from above.
" Yes my son, what is it?"
" I just got hit by a truck!"
" I know i saw, how do you feel?"
" I feel like I just got hit by a truck."
" Im sorry buddy, do you still believe in me?"
" Yes i still believe in you, I'm talking to you right now. Listen why would you let me get hit by that truck?"
" I was testing you my son, your doing great. But it is very important that you don't ask why. You cant question my motives on things like this you just have to believe and have faith in me no matter what, ok?"
" Um ok, just no more trucks please."
" Ok Jared, no more trucks. now get going your going to be late for work." Jared picked his aching body up off the street and headed to work. Once he arrived he limped towards the entrance, as he got closer he saw that his boss was already there waiting for him. "Hey Boss, your never going to believe what happened to me today." Jared called out.
" I don't even want to hear it jared, your fired."
"Wait, What? Why?"
" Your forty-five second late."
" Forty-five seconds, thats it? how many times have i been late?"
" This is the first time."
" Then why am i fired? i don't understand, I've been employee of the month for the past six months now."
" I know, your by far my best worker, but today i just had the overwhelming urge to fire you. I cant really explain it but sometimes you just gotta trust the gut ya know?"
"..........."
"listen i hope there are no hard feelings here, your a great guy jared, you really are. I hope to see ya around some time, you take it easy man."
" Wait! no Boss come back! Ah! Dammit!" It was to late, his boss had went inside and Jared was left to stand there more confused than ever. He tilted his head back and screamed at the sky once more. " GOOOOOODDDDDDD!" Gods voice came booming down again.
" Yes my son what is it?"
" God, I just got fired."
" I know I saw, you still believe though right?"
" What? Yeah i believe, but i just got fired. This is terrible, i have no way to feed my family now what am i going to do?"
" Don't worry Jared I will take care of it, just don't stop believing, your doing great."
Even with God's encouragement Jared was still crushed. He had just been hit by a truck and lost his job all in the matter of an hour, it was getting harder and harder for him to keep his faith. Why would god let that happen to him, he didn't understand, but all he could do for now was keep believing and start his long walk home, back to his loving family. So Jared started walking, he walked, and then walked some more but then all the sudden he stopped walking, he stopped dead in his tracks. You see he made it all the way back to his house except tonight his house wasn't there. in its place was smoke and ash. He took off running, he ran right up to where his front porch used to be and stopped. Tears began to pour down his face, they were sizzling as they hit the fire scorched ground at his feet. This time he didn't have to call out, God appeared again at Jared's side and put a hand on his shoulder.
" Do you still believe my son?"
" What?"
" Do you still believe?"
" Yes I believe, your standing right next to me i can see you. I just don't understand though, why did this happen?"
" You don't need to understand my son, you passed the test! i made all these things happen to you and your faith never waived. you did it!"
" Whoa whoa whoa, your the one who made all these things happen to me?"
"Yes, But all that is in the past now. Since you passed the test, now when you die you get to come to heaven and spend all of eternity with me my child."
" Wait, whoa no! I don't want to hang out with you for all of eternity i hate your guts right now. You had a truck hit me, you made my boss fire me and then on top of that you burnt my house down and killed my family. Oh i believe still, i believe that you are a dick!"
" Hey now! easy my son that is no way to talk to the G-man"
" I will talk to you however i darn well please, you are not my God anymore! In fact from this moment on i am dedicating my life to destroying everything you have worked so hard to create, the same way you destroyed everything of mine!"
" Jared, please calm down. you don't really mea..." It was to late, Jared took off running into the night. Nothing God could say would be able to get through to him, a war had just been started and jared was ready to fight. He wasn't about to fight alone though, no, Jared went running straight to the devil. Jared stood atop a cliff on the edge of town and began to scream " Satan! Show yourself to me! My Name is Jared and i need your help!" He waited, nothing game. He screamed again " Satan I said.."
Jared was interrupted by a voice coming from behind him.
" What do you want mutha Fucka?"
" Wow Satan, you don't really need to swear."
" Im the devil i can talk howeva i want bitch. Now start talkin or i swear ima whoop yo ass, i was sleepin."
" Im sorry, Im sorry. Its just, i want to destroy the world and i need your help. I don't really know how to go about doing it."
" Hmmm ok, alright, ill help you dawg.
" Don't you want to know why i want to destroy the world?"
" No, Im the devil, i don't give a fuck. Im always game for trying to destroy the world."
" Oh ok, I'm sorry. Well what is it i should do, ill do anything you tell me."
" Well I've had this idea iv been kickin around for a while but well, shit i guess now is as good a time as any to bust it out."
" What's the idea."
" Its called 'global warming'. Its where you gradually destroy the earth a few different ways but basically what happens is it gets hotter and hotter until finally everything fuckin dies and i come up and take over like the fresh prince of that mug."
" Oh wow, that sounds perfect. How do i make that happen? just tell me the way!"
"Well I'm going to give you three gifts and if you use each one correctly the plan will slowly start to work and you will see everyone freak the fuck out."
" Ok ok, what are they?"
" The first is this, its called oil. Use this and the earths lungs will blacken faster than you can say ' i cant fuckin breathe'. Now this second gift will help the oil achieve what its meant to do, its called the internal combustion engine. This little baby will combust yo dreams of ever seein winter time again, ill tell you that much. But alright this last gift is my personal favorite, i use it all the time, its called an aerosol spray can, its what helps me keep my hair lookin all bad ass 'n shit. Now I'm telling you dawg if you use all three of these things you are going to get the ball rolling on this global warming thing, and you will get your little dream of world destruction."
" Wow! thank you so much satan, i don't know what to say."
" Don't say nothin. I'm goin back to bed bitch, peace!" and with that satan was gone, leaving jared to unleash these new "gifts" upon the world. And he did. That day global warming was set into motion. That day, the real war began.

Now some say that the devil gave Jared a fourth gift of eternal life so that he could forever over see his plan run its course. I don't know if thats true or not, But i do know that Jared is still alive, and if he thinks that doing subway commercials is going to trick the world into thinking he's not evil then he is sadly mistaken. You see Blog by you driving that hummer your helping Jared win. Your basically saying that your on his team, and let me be the first to tell you Blog, that is the wrong team to be on. You need to switch back over to the winning team, God's team. Its God or Jared Blog, you make the call. But if i can just give you one last piece of advice, let Jesus be more than your copilot, let him be your captain. your team captain. I know you'll make the right decision. Talk to you later buddy, stay fly.

Heart,
Alex