Yah....well, the song that's in my profile now...pretty much fits how my mood has been as of late.....

This year has really been a nightmare............

First ...I lost my job....due to several budget cuts where I worked...they had to let several people go over the last few months that I was there....and I LOVED my job.....and that is a rare thing I think......

Just feel pretty lost lately....don't know what to do with myself......

And then .. ..my mom who had alzheimers for over a year...passed away. We (my brother, sister and me) all tried to get our mom to a doctor over and over again, but she flat out refused to do so and denied (the disease in work) that she needed help. And then in March of this year....she had a fall and had to be hospitalized. We saw this as a good thing only that she would finally get the help that she desperately needed. But...her stay in the hospital was a back and forth thing...from the hospital to a nursing home (hospitals only recommendation) back to the hospital again...back to the nursing home....and then ...again...a last trip....to the hospital...

She suffered from a preforated ulcer  that had gotten so bad....they couldn't keep her blood pressure under control because she was bleeding so profusely internally....suffered a heart attack, went in to a coma because of it...and the struggle was too hard on her......the medicine that was given her...was attacking her vital organs making them worse...and I .....

Was the last one ...of me my brother , sister.....to give the final......"yah....okay...stop the medicine...it's too hard on her....".....

Still feel like...I am the one....that could have done more.......

And...finally...just recently....I  "accidentally"  caught my sister (who had been living with me for almost 3 years now ....) and my boyfriend (EX..now)...in my sisters bedroom...and don't think I need to go into detail here........damnnnnnnn.........

Ain't life a f*cking bitch sometimes!!!!!!!......