some of my friends may know this, but I'm on a deathwatch for my dad. Twelve days ago, he had a stroke. When I got the call from my stepmother, it seemed moderate - paralysis in the left arm, physical therapy might give him a decent quality of life. Two days later, (while I was working one of my usual late Monday nights) she called again and said that he had deteriorated and was looking immediately terminal. My spouse and I flew right down to Florida the next day.

He seemed to be recovering, even knew where he was, who we all were, and ready to recover. But, part of the paralysis affected his digestion, and he needed a feeding tube - even then, the liquid nutrition wasn't staying down. Then, the damage to his brain had progressed and he backslid, started to go into a state of dementia. He kept talking about being at work, on the railroad in Philadelphia; all the while he know about all his grandchildren and my spouse, all of whom came along well after he retired.

He seemed to be stabilizing, though not improving, so we came home that Saturday. I've been trying to settle into a regular life, but it hasn't been easy. Tonight, my stepmother called again, and let me know he's in a local hospice. Although my intellectual side tells me that he's going to be comfortable, not fading away like a vegetable, and this is in accordance with his living will; my emotional side is feeling like I've been kicked in the gut.

I'm just hoping he goes quickly and comfortably, and there will be no funeral, but a celebration.