Sometimes I wonder if people are seeing the same things I am.
In the same way.
Sometimes I wonder how they could be if they react so differently.
I guess that is what makes us all unique.
I have always felt a little different, a little off the mainstream thought process.
I always feel as though I am either one step ahead or two steps back.
I overanalyze things that cannot be analyzed in the first place.
In a way, I see everything.
And in another, I see nothing at all.

I watch people fall apart and I watch people pull themselves back together.
I watch people kill something in themselves everyday.
I watch people say one thing and do the complete opposite.
I watch people walk away from love, and chase after lust.
I watch you lie to yourself and everyone you know.

In that lies part of the problem.
I watch a hell of a lot, but never allow myself to experience much of it.
I learn a lot from other people's mistakes without ever having to make them myself.
But sometimes I want to feel what they do.
Because I fear I have trained myself to not feel at all.
I'm always the one watching.
Who is watching me?

I feel like I'm always searching for someone.
Who I'm not entirely sure.
Perhaps a kindred spirit.
Someone not afraid to do something.
Someone not afraid to push me when I tell them to stop.
Someone to watch the thoughts that go on behind my eyes.
It's damn near impossible, I know.
No one on this earth can pull anything out of you that you don't want them to.
But they can make you want to try.
It's just a matter of finding someone that leaves you better. Not worse.
Or better yet someone that never leaves at all.
Maybe I just need to be what I am looking for.
But being your own best friend gets lonely after awhile.

I'm just tired of people acting like no one sees what they do.
As if no one in this world is looking at them at that precise moment.
When their eyes wander, or they talk about someone negatively.
I'm right here, and I see the way you tap the desk when nervous.
I've always kept my promise.
But you lied to me.
How do you live with yourself?
How do I live with myself..

I'll be there when you need me.
I'll be sitting in the back of the room quietly.
You'll always be able to spot me.
I'm the one trying my hardest to remain unnoticed.

My intentions were to never give myself to anyone.
Look what I've done.