i'm...

happy

sad

overwhelmed

blessed

scared

excited

busy

lazy

ugly

pretty

ignant

....

i'm at a loss of words.  I can't formulate my thoughts.  My feelings.  Ever since we started getting ready to leave L.A.  I can't seem to express myself.  I want to share my stories, my feelings, my love, my thoughts...but I don't know what to say.  That list up there is as good as it gets.  I take comfort in the fact that the people I LOVE already know and I don't need to say it.  All my friends, all my family, my HB...I have so much to tell you all.  Is it because my life is changing that all of a sudden I feel so overwhelmed with emotions?  Lately i've been fearing Life while at the same time savoring everything and everyone.  Kind of an oxymoron?  or not?  I don't know.  It's so scary.  Life can end so quickly.  It's so exciting...because we get to LIVE until it does.

Ps.  please to anyone who reads this.  pray for my hb's brother who has terminal cancer and for my uncle who also has cancer.  for a good friends father who has cancer but is in remission.  for another friends mom who has cancer.  for amy's mom who had cancer.  for kim and cooks' mom who had cancer. for chips wife who had cancer.  Your strength and the strength of your family and friends during tough times is inspirational.  For all the people that cancer has given a wake up call to.  It's a gift in a way right?  It's like...hey you remember that gift of life I gave you?  Open it and enjoy it.  For those that died because of cancer.  You are like Jesus.   You lived, you loved, you died and we can continue to live and learn.  We all are like Jesus.

What would jesus do?????? what would jesus do?

ohhhhhh my head hurts. 

ps.  i love nicholas golla so much that it hurts.  literally.  it's scary to love so deep but it's also exciting.  you should try it.  with your own HB of course.